burning desire. (emily prentiss)

𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙮-𝙩𝙬𝙤

slight tw: mentions of anxiety and blood

emily's been really anxious lately. she hasn't mentioned it to me, but i've definitely noticed. i haven't said much because i don't want to embarrass her, but i'm really worried about it.

she been biting her nails again, especially her thumbnail. i know she's insecure about it, so i never mention it. i'm just always careful not to touch it when i hold her hands, not wanting to hurt her.

however, one night i just have to say something to her. i have to get her to talk to me.

me and her are sitting in bed, unwinding before going to bed, or at least trying to.

i notice that her chewing unceremoniously at her thumbnail, more aggressively than normal.

"em, are you alright?" i ask her.

she doesn't respond, she only pulls her thumb away from her mouth, looks at it, and mutters under her breath, "shit."

she sort of rushes to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

i follow after her, questioning her outside of the door, "what's wrong, baby?"

"oh, nothing, i just bit my thumb a little too much, and now it's bleeding." she says back, trying to seem nonchalant.

however, i'm not buying it, "can i come in? i wanna help."

"i got it, y/n."

"please let me in, em." i plead.

there's a moment of silence, then she gives in, "okay, fine."

i walk in the bathroom to see emily sitting on a the closed toilet, holding toilet paper to her thumb.

"is it still bleeding?" i ask softly.

she doesn't respond, only nods.

"okay, that's okay. let me see it, honey."

i gently grab her hand, applying pressure to her wound. once the bleeding finally stops i grab a band-aid from the cabinet above the sink and put it on her thumb. then i bring her hand to my mouth and place a soft, tender kiss on her thumb.

"there, all better?" i ask softly.

she nods, "thank you, y/n, and i'm sorry."

i raise an eyebrow, "what for, baby?"

she looks down at the ground, "i hate you seeing me like this, it's embarrassing."

i place a hand softly on her cheek, making her look at me, "hey, you don't have to be embarrassed. i'm here for you, emily. i love you."

she smiles a bit, "i love you too."

"now, talk to me. what's going on, baby?" i say, softening my tone even more.

i can tell by the sigh that emily gives that she's beginning to lie, but then she just shakes her head, "i'm just...stressed. so, so stressed."

"about anything in particular?"

"no, not really."

i can tell she's lying, so i give her a look.

she sighs, "okay, fine. this is going to sound so stupid, but everything is going so perfectly in my life that it worries me."

i nod my head, and she continues, "it's just...i know that if anything went wrong right now, it would crush me. and i also know that when things are going great in my life that's when things tend to begin to fall apart."

"what do you think could go wrong, baby?" i ask, wanting to hear her fears.

"it's so much, and it's so awful. i don't even want to say it out loud and put it into the universe."

i nod, "okay, i understand."

she sighs again, "it's just so not fun when your mind is the worst place you could be. i don't know why my mind has decided to make existing a living hell, but i hate it."

she's crying now, though she's trying to hide it.

i pull her close, peppering soft, gentle kisses all over her tear-streamed face.

"no matter what happens, we are going to be okay. i promise." i whisper softly.

she looks at me, "you really think so?"

"of course! even if it is just us against the world, we are going to make it just fine, baby."

she smiles at me, "i love you so much."

she then softly places a hand on my stomach, "and i love you too. even if i'm a little insane."

"you're not insane, em, you just care. i just wish you were a little kinder to yourself in the process."

she starts to protest, but just sighs, "yeah."

i grab her not injured hand, "come on, let's get you tucked into bed."

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hi! someone's asked for me to write a chapter focusing on struggling with anxiety, so here this is! i'll probably mention this a good bit because it really hits home for me. i'm currently uploading this at 2:46 am on a school night because my anxiety won't let me sleep. it's rough, i'm not even gonna lie. i've chewed my lips and the insides of my cheeks raw more times than i can even count. i've woken up nauseous every single morning since i was 12. i've stressed the little things, and the big things have nearly killed me. i'm saying all of this to say this: if you're struggling with anxiety, you are not alone. it is so hard, but i promise you can do it. i love you all. <3