The Sadistic Father

Chapter 1

I can't take it... It's too painful emotionally & physically. He looks at me with those angry brown eyes and calls me "USELESS" once again. He grabs me by the hair slams my head against the wall and everything goes black. This has been happening ever since I could remember. He would always beat me and yell at me both drunk and sober. He blames me for my mother's death which happened during my birth. He never forgave me for that.

When I regain consciences I'm in the same spot that I passed out and he's long gone probably at a bar drinking away his sorrows. I get up and go to bed. When I wake up the next morning I throw anything on and I'm out the door when I get to school I immediately go to my locker, look around and see everyone socializing. I suddenly feel alone but I'm used to that feeling I don't have many friends except for Jacob. I get to my first period class; English the only subject I actually care about. The class starts but we have a supply teacher. Some ugly, middle- aged bald man, which he then tells us to call him Mr.Fayg. He is a boring man so I zone out and get lost in my thought which is not exactly a good thing. When I start thinking about my life than I'm reminded of everything that my father puts me through daily. I need to keep busy and get out of my head so I text Jacob

Me: hey

Jacob: hey :)

Me: class is boring -_-

Jacob: yea same

Jacob: wanna meet?

Me: I thought you'd never ask

Me: same spot?

Jacob: of course

I ask to use the washroom say it's "girl stuff" and he immediately lets me leave and gives me a hall pass. I meet him in the courtyard. As I open the creaky, grey door I get a chill. It's usually a bit chilly in April for Edmonton. It's sunny out so I'm blinded by the sun as I look for Jacob at our usual spot. I'm early as usual so I wait for a few minutes. Then I see him. He's tall, lean build, brown hair, green eyes. He's wearing his usual red varsity sweater. He comes up to me and hugs me than says. "Good morning Alison" I hug him back than say "Good morning." "Damn ally you look like crap what happened?" "Nothing I'm fine." He just looks me in the eyes and says "just remember I'm always here for you if you wanna talk." "Yea I know I got to go so I'll see you at lunch bye." I rush out of there before he can say anything. For the rest of the day I avoid him. I don't wanna talk I just don't want him to deal with my problems.

I walk home after school and when I get there he's on the couch with a beer bottle in his hand watching TV. I quietly walk upstairs and head to the washroom to take a bath. I get undressed look at myself in the mirror. I have short black hair, blue eyes, about 5'2 with a lean build. I look just like my mother at this age. As I scan my body I see many bruises, scratches & a few scars. Mostly from my dad's doing. I turn on the water and fill up the tub as I get in my father bursts into the room. Grabs my shoulders and holds me down under the water I can't breathe. I try gasping for air but I can't. My lungs fill with water.

15 second.

30 seconds.

1 minute.

I feel really dizzy. He is still holding me down. He suddenly let's go and pulls me up. "KILL ME JUST DO IT GET IT OVER WITH! IM DONE! I DONT WANNA LIVE ANYMORE! PLEASE!" I'm begging now. He just looks at me but he's not really seeing me it's like he's looking through me "it's not your time yet." He says more to himself than to me. He walks out of the room. I get out of the tub put my white towel around me and run to my front door. As soon as I get outside I drop to the ground and start screaming at the top of my lungs until my voice goes out and I can no longer scream. I cry until there are no tears left. I'm shaking so uncontrollably I feel like I can't stop. I wanna end this pain and suffering.

I go back inside and go to my room and look under my bed. The razor still has stains of blood the last time I tried committing suicide. I remember when I told Jacob I was cutting he read me this quote "Here's to the kids that wish they never made the first cut. I'm so sorry. Because I know what it is. Cutting..... It's an addiction. It's a disease, a distraction, a last resort. Once you start it's a battle with yourself to stop. You'll do anything to see that blood, feel that burn. It will be all you can think about. You regret the cut, but you always seem to do it again because even though you regret it you crave it just like before, and once the cuts start to heal you'll go just a little deeper with that cold metal, you want to forget the pain a little longer. I'm sorry that you'll now have to lie almost every day about why you wear long sleeves and don't go swimming, I'm sorry you have to fake that smile every single day and that you have to say you're okay when all you really want to do is scream for help. I'm sorry you're in a war with yourself. But always remember I'm here, whether I know you or you live 10000 miles away, I will be there. You are not alone. Remember that when that blade is whispering your name I'm screaming at the top of my lungs for you to put it down. Don't make that first cut, and if you have take a moment to think. Remember you were put on this earth for a reason. You are meant for greatness, you can get through this, look at what you've managed to get through already. And to those of you thinking cutting is stupid or not serious; it is serious whether it's just little scratches that barley brings blood or gashing cuts all over that person's body it's serious. It's not stupid, what's stupid is that people like you pushing people to the point where they feel there's no way out. I want you to know that I'm here. No matter what time, night or day put down the blade and talk. Everything will be okay. Live your life that your blessed to have." While he was reading this we were both in tears and he made me promise that I would stop cutting and ever since then I haven't cut. It's been months but I reminded myself that I promised him.

At this moment I don't care anymore I put the cold blade to my skin and press down I cry in pain but I don't care. I don't want to live. I cut deeper and feel all the blood rush to my head. I'm going to pass out from all the blood loss. I stop and throw the blade across the room. I CANT DO THIS. I promised Jacob that I wouldn't hurt myself anymore. I can't do that to him after everything I've gone through with him I couldn't do that. It isn't fair to him.