All That You Will

Thirty-five

SECONDS TURNED INTO minutes and I remain kneeling in front of him. Morpheus is trying so hard to stand me up but I don't want to. He's holding my waist and my underarm but I'm forcing all of his strength. This is the only way I think I could get his forgiveness—for all the unrightfully things. I am so hopeless.

       Feels like we go back in time at what our set up the only difference is I'm the one on the wrong side. The tables have turned... again. We always love to make the tables turn. I'm the tails and he's the heads. He's often always in the right.

       The last time I check, our relationship was so full of colors like my favorite sky we always look up above with its full glowing struck of colors. I couldn't see colors anymore. I'm blinded. All I could see is dark but I could think of colors, but I want to see it badly. I'm hunger to see the colors.

       "Siena," he mutters that make me cry hysterically. His tone is filled with tiredness. It's the first time I heard my name rolling out of his tongue and it hurts. I never thought that saying my name could be this emotional. I just missed hearing him saying my name that it hurts the first time hearing it again.

       Suddenly, I stop crying. I smile at him preciously like I would smile at him the old times when everything's still just fine. Back when we're just happy and loving one another as if no one could stop us. "Can you say my name again, please?" I remain my lips close as I remain smiling. There are still tears cascading down my face but my eyes didn't blink even an inch. I just look at him as I stare deeply into his beautiful deep eyes that I want to drown myself into. My lips are just trembling. "Please, Morpheus?"

       He closes his eyes for long seconds then he slowly gets his touch away from me that makes me bow down to the floor but my head is still held high as I stare at him. A set of new tears are trying to get out of my eyes for the intense emotions I'm feeling—for the rejection. I just want him to say my name. I just missed hearing him utter it.

       He steps with his right foot and stares at the ceiling for a second as his right hand starts to comb his now disheveled hair. It was done the usual, sleek brushed backward just a while ago in the event, now it's all messy. I see him breathes heavily and snorts. His right hand is now gentle rubbing his slightly shaved stubbles as he looks down at me with his jaw being clenched.

       His face is flushed and I smell a bit of liquor in his breath. I also drank but only a little because of my low alcohol intolerance. I know that my cheeks are flushed brought by the alcohol.

       "Siena... stand up," he says with a hint of both frustration and anger. I comply with what he said.

       "How mad are you?" I manage to ask as I hold both of his hands that level my waist.

       He squints his eyes. "Very... mad."

       My shoulder goes down and the new set of tears starts to cascade. I bow my head and lean myself to his chest and the moment I do, I hear his heart's fast beating.

       "Why do you have to leave me? Hmm?" he asks softly. The way he just asked me, I know he's trying to restrain himself. He's always trying hard to restrain himself.

       My lips are just trembling as I sob.  "I'm sorry," I just answer.

       I feel him breathes heavily. "I wanna know what was your reason, Siena. Stop saying sorry when you could redeem all of us in the very first place of this all. You don't have to leave, so please, I wanna know your reason. Don't let me feel like a fool because I know I'm surely not, but you're making me change my mind about that. Am I a fool, Siena? Is your husband a fool?"