Romantic One Shots

Stupid Deep

It has been six years, last time I saw him was a few weeks after graduation since he had to go back to Italy, his country. A few months after that, I told him I liked him, he obviously didn't like me back. A couple of months later, he came into town, I didn't want to see him, he didn't text. After that, we fought, we made up, we talked casually as if nothing happened.

Today, I was getting ready to go to his best friend's wedding. It wasn't in London, my hometown, and where we studied. It was in Dubai, where his best friend Kyle and his fiancée live. The ceremony was huge, everyone was invited, hosted at the Four Seasons as the bride was some heiress.

I hadn't talked to him in so many years, I didn't know what he was up to, last time we talked he wanted to move, he was a small executive at an advertising firm. I didn't know if he had someone in his life. I certainly didn't, and sometimes I feel like I never will.

I was working on the last bit of my hair, before heading out of my hotel room, down to the ballroom. I wore a simple black strapless dress, long diamond earrings, black slingback shoes, and a mini clutch.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. I was glad some of my friends in college were invited, so I had a chance to catch up with a few of them. The elevator dinged, as I pressed the lowest level, as sign that the doors will shut closed, I knew that there was no going back now.

As soon as I arrived at the cocktail section, I saw many familiar faces inviting me to their high tables. A few had gotten married themselves, other worked on building a career, and some were still studying. The 20s were the age to explore your options and I feel that my generation had excelled in doing so.

"What are you up to Sarah?" asked Flora, my friend from college.

"I am currently a PR executive at a fashion agency, we mainly take care of events, launches and fashion shows." I say, super proud of my current position. After all my masters and internships finally paid off.

Then the flow of conversation went on with our careers, our futures, our memories, the trips we had and so on. Catching up with these people, albeit being still close to them, brought me back to college days where we used to sit together and study, exchange notes and explain the chapters to each other's.

Soon the doors to the main ceremony opened, everything was top notch. Most of the people invited wore high end couture gowns everything from Oscar De La Renta to Elie Saab was present. The decoration was filled with the combination of mirror tables, lots of candles, white roses and dripping orchids. I felt like I can hunt a few clients to the agency if I wanted. But it was not the time to be thinking of work, I came here to have fun.

Now it was the time for the bride and groom to enter, they came out with their closest friends cheering for them. I was lost, I didn't know if I should look at gorgeous bride, the groom, her superb headpiece, the detailed beading on the dress, or look at him. I was tearing up.

Him. His hazel eyes were smiling, so happy to see his best friend finally married. He was surrounded by the same group of guys he used to room with back home. He hadn't changed. Maybe gained a bit of weight, which suited him very nicely. Other than that, he was still him.

I succeeded to avoid him all night long. The venue was large, I didn't dance a lot, and when I did, I made sure to stay away from his group. I felt disappointed and relieved at the same time that we didn't collide. I would have loved to catch up but at the same time, I didn't know how my heart would react to such a situation.

My memories and worries are coming back, they were starting to bring up my anxiety. All the what ifs, remembering bad memories, stupid actions, it made my heart race. Thus, I pulled my self together and went to the balcony, where the sound of crashing waves calmed my nerves a little bit and the wind dried my silent tears. Thank god for waterproof mascara.

I looked at the clock, it was now 1 AM, we had been partying for a good three hours, and I don't see it stopping any time soon. Suddenly, I felt like someone was around me. I was scared to turn around. Secretly, I hoped it was him.

"You know, he told me to follow you" Fred told me, I turned around and hugged him. It has been so long since I last saw him.

"Hey! How are you?" I asked him. Fred was his best friend, we grew close together because of him, yet I have never told him the way I felt about Henry.

"I missed you, you disappeared, and you didn't dance with us." He asks, hugging me closer.

I let go of him, smile, and say "don't push it, I am still in London and no one invited me to join the gang – do you still call yourself that?"

He laughed wholeheartedly, and said "stupidly, we still do. Do you want to see him?"

Looking at him, I didn't know the answer to that question, but my heart already took the decision for me, "of course I want to see him."

"He wants to see you too; he's just scared he would hurt you" he replies.

"Don't you think he already did? I am a big girl now, I think I can handle him. And he's a big boy in which he doesn't need you to come speak to me on his behalf. Fred, it was so sweet of you to catch up, and I would love to have lunch with you and Celine if you have the time, but I think you should go back, I'll be following you soon" I say putting my brave face on.

"You never change" he hugs me back once again "I'll be waiting to catch one more dance with you on the dance floor" he winks and leaves.

I didn't want to go back in. Even if I didn't congratulate the bride and groom, I knew that going back in means that I have to face him. He was so childish, as if he was testing the waters before approaching me. Do I bite? I cry but I don't bite.

I sat out there just escaping the world, reliving the memories, doubting myself, cringing at our conversations, and asking myself, why didn't he like me back. I had cared so much for him. When I first saw him, the way he approached me to check my notes was a memory I hold very close to my heart. The way he was limping because it was after his ACL surgery. Two years of being best friends, yes, he used to tell me about all the girls he used to meet, but he used to tell me his deepest secrets, likes and dislikes, family issues. He wrote me poems. He used to play me the piano. He used to hug me and make me feel safe. He used to walk me to class. The day he left, I was a complete mess, yet I didn't allow myself to show him how sad I was about it. But he knew, everyone knew how much I loved him. When they told me he had tears in his eyes when we said goodbye, I knew I wasn't hallucinating. People have told me so much stuff about the way he felt about me after he left, I don't know if they were true, but at a point, I chose to believe them. Like when asked who your favorite person is, he picked me, and I wasn't even invited to this gathering. Who will he miss the most, he also picked me. The way he ran to the hospital when I was sick. The way he cheered for me during graduation ceremony. These all made my heart ache at the moment, yet they had implanted a bit of hope in my heart that maybe my feelings were reciprocated. Even if I was not the prettiest girl, nor the thinnest but I hoped that he had appreciated my affection, my heart.

Yet, some random night, after spending the whole evening talking his most recent crush, I couldn't handle it and told him everything about my feelings. He swore he didn't know, I'm sure he did. He told me he thought about it, I'm sure he didn't.

After that, I lost him. We didn't talk to each other, he tried to fix things but it was too hard, too awkward, too much efforts and everything in between. However, one time, I was walking back home, he sent me a song, deleted the text, sent it again and when I didn't reply he sent it again. I've been holding on the lyrics of this song for six years. How stupid can a girl be? It's not like I have met anyone else. Maybe I did, but none of them made me feel the way he did. Some were handsome, smart and kind, they would distract me for a while but at the end I would always find myself comparing them to him.

"What if who I hoped to be was always me?
And the love I fought to feel was always free?
What if all the things I've done, yeah
Were just attempts at earning love? Yeah
'Cause the hole inside my heart is stupid deep, stupid deep"

Stupid Deep – John Bellion.

Yes, this chapter does not have a happy ending like the usual, but sometimes in romantic relationships, or any relationship actually, we are faced with some closed doors.

Let me know if you want to continue the story.