Romantic One Shots

It's Complicated (Part II)

As Gabe starts up the car, I start feeling anxious, as something bad was going to happen at any minute. The slow music plays in the background while each of us is in his own little world. I look at Gabe as he taps his steering wheel softly to the beat of the music, while I constantly shift in my seat.

Thankfully, half an hour later, we arrive to a secluded spot, at the top of a hill where we can see the bright sky from the rooftop window and the city skyline in front of us.

The location is perfect, just like him. We stay in silence and I do not know what to say or do as I wait quietly for Gabe to say something, anything. But I couldn't, the silence was killing me.

"So what is up?" I ask nervously. I don't know what or if there is something to be nervous about. He doesn't reply, which now has become a huge concern. "Hey," I whisper softly, putting my hands on his chin to make him look at me, "what's wrong? You know you can tell me anything?"

He doesn't look at me the same was he usually does, not the same way he looked at me when he first picked me up.

He takes a deep breath and says "I was in a fight today..." I inspect his face; he doesn't have any marks of scratches. He notices my eyes roaming around. "I'm fine" he says a bit too harshly, so I lower my eyes immediately. "But I learned something today and I don't know how I feel about it" he lingers again. 

"Can you please spit it out" I say aggressively, now I'm really beginning to worry about all the what ifs and the scenarios keep getting worse in my mind, yet I feel like I am clueless in this whole situation.

"Joelle" he says, and I hum as a sign of understanding, "told Dan about your feelings. I didn't believe him, I got so mad."

"Was that after or before your text?" I wanted to decode his messages in my mind.

"After" he replies.

And now it made sense. I wanted to say that my world came crushing down but it didn't. Was I mad at Joelle? For an instance I could say that I was furious, and I wanted to kill her. But I know she didn't mean any harm she was just telling her boy friend about her roommate. Was I hurt that he knew? No. yes. I don't know. Was this the reaction I was expecting? A part of me wanted to say no, but another part of me knew deep down that he would never feel the same, I'm his little sister, his little chubby sister, that does well in school, is always shy and would do practically anything for him. So, I put on a brave face and answer him "and?" in a calm yet steady voice.

"And?" he looks back at me, right into my eyes, probably noticing my fear and the tears at the corner threatening to fall at any second now. "I want to know if its true."

"Are you seriously asking me, if I have feelings for you?" I ask. Taking a deep breath, trying to calm all my senses I answer back "you want to know if your best friend of two years has feelings for you. Okay, I will answer your question but first I want to ask you, how blind are you exactly?"

"What do you mean" he asks confused. But before he could finish the sentence, I start a full on monologue because I had lost it. 

"Gabe, you are the first friend I made at this university, we have taken at least 7 classes together since then and we are not even in a similar major. We spend our weekends together, I come to your games, we go out for dinner alone every Friday, on weekends we study at the library together. We share all our secrets, you send me daily pictures of you and your progress at the gym, you make me wear your jersey, you call me at midnight just to say how much you miss me,  I've met your parents, you've come back with me to my home town during the holidays... and I can name a million more activities that we have done fucking together. Not only that, you know that I try to be nice to everyone, but you know I treat you differently, I always make sure you are okay, make sure that you are not over doing your courses or killing your muscles trying to train. I remind you of your vitamin pills and do your protein shake every single fucking day because you say that mine tastes sweeter. And after all that you expect me, not to catch feelings?" I had now a few tears streaming on my cheeks, but he didn't move to wipe them away like he would have usually done.

I look at him daring him to say that anything I had said was exaggerated. And then he said the words that broke my heart into a million pieces.

"But I didn't mean for you to fall for me. I am so blessed to have you as my best friend, why would I want to lose you over something so stupid!" he says.

I can't believe that my Gabe, my best friend just called my feelings stupid. So, I challenged him, "what is stupid? My feelings? Or your fucking unintentional mixed signals?"

"Don't swear, you hate when you do that, and you only do that when you are upset" he says quickly as if he is trying to prove that he knows me.

"I am upset." I try to hold myself together but imagine having these deep feelings for someone for such a long time and then he says that he doesn't see it, he doesn't feel it.

"You know?  I have thought about it a million of times, the thought of us being together would cross my mind but I would immediately dismiss it. Not because we don't fit, because we do, we are the best of friends. Not because I don't care. Not because you don't deserve it. Not because you are not pretty enough or smart enough or nice enough. You are everything and more. But because, I don't want to lose you." He says and I can see his frustration and he clench his palms.

I don't know what to say, I knew that he had considered the idea of us, I knew that I was not imagining those mixed signals. I didn't want to be the bitch and call reality, especially after causing all this chaos, but I couldn't go back to normal after tonight that was for sure.

"But, I honestly think, regardless of the outcome of tonight, in my opinion, we will lose each other" I say.

He seems surprised, shocked and angry. "And why the fuck is that?" he never talks to me this way.

"Because I will not look at you the same way." I simply answer.

"Why not? Are you fucking disappointed? If I'm doing all this not to lose you, why would you go and fucking like me? Who told you that I'm a good guy for you? Who said that this is supposed to end well? You knew this whole thing would not work out! You will get jealous! I would break your heart! You will forget us when you graduate! You will find someone better!" he is so mad; his neck veins are popping. If I was so hurt by his initial reaction, by now I had a fit of tears on my cheeks, my mascara surely ruined. I wanted to reply and deny most of his allegations, but he didn't allow me. As soon as I opened my mouth he continued.

"And honestly, why would you tell your fucking friends about it? Why couldn't you keep it to your fucking self? Just hide it, we would have graduated, found other people but stayed friends for a long time, you would have been my best friend forever!" and now he sounds like a toddler being processive and accusative. 

After a while of silence, I feel like he has calmed down a little bit.

I say quietly "Do you think any of this is easy on me? I'm sorry that you feel that way and I'm sorry you lost your best friend. Now that we have all that cleared, can you please drop me home?" I couldn't handle the situation and I knew that I needed to cry my eyes out at his awful reaction.

"Yeah." He answers dryly, he didn't even put out a fight for that said best friend.

He starts the car, during the whole ride, he drives fast, and I almost thought we were going to die. He knows that I hate when he speeds. We didn't say a word during the 30-minute drive, no music, just tension. I stopped crying and dabbed my undereye in attempt to rectify the messy situation that is my face. I get out of the car; I don't say anything to him. Yet, he still waits for me to get in safely before speeding to leave.