I'm Not As Good As You Think

(A)

I woke up in pain and cuddled into Hallies chest. She really held me all night? I've never felt truly cared for before now. I just want to stay here but we have to go to school soon. I kissed her chest and pulled away.

"Where are you going?" I heard Hallie mumble in a groggy voice making me smile.

"I need to shower before school." I mumbled and leaned down to kiss her. I whimpered quietly feeling a couple cuts on my back open.

"Are you okay?" She asked while reaching out and softly grabbing my hand. It melted my heart and I nodded.

"It just hurts a little." I mumbled before grabbing clothes and walking to the bathroom. I turned on the shower before stripping off my clothes. I couldn't help but look in the mirror and saw the blood and dark bruises covering my body. Then there are the cuts, thick red lines on my chest and stomach. I didn't even want to look at my back and got in the shower. I hissed feeling the water hit my battered body and watched the water turn a dark red as it washed the blood off my skin. I got lost in my head watching the the blood go down the drain. I finally felt safe and they ruined it and of course on my birthday. I don't know what to do. I whimpered hearing a knock on the bathroom door.

"We have to leave soon, are you okay?" I heard Hallie say from outside.

"Yeah, sorry." I basically whimpered and got out of the shower. I dried off and got dressed before walking out of the bathroom. Hallie was looking at me with a worried expression.

"I can call off of school if you just want to stay home." She asked and got up to hug me. Fuck. I want to break down but I don't want her to see it again. I felt a tear fall from my eye and hugged her back a little tighter.

"I think I'm gonna stay home but you should go to school. I don't want you to ditch." I mumbled and she seemed sad by my answer.

"Please, I don't want you to be alone right now." She said sadly and buried her face in my shoulder. My stomach did flips hearing the pain in her voice. She actually cares and it feels good.

"Thank you." I mumbled and pulled her closer. I felt her smile against my neck and we held each other for a while. I needed this.

"I want to get comfy, but do you want me to make you some breakfast?" Hallie asked sweetly while pulling away and I shook my head.

"I can make you some." I mumbled and kissed her softly. She met me in the kitchen after getting dressed and I fed the dogs before grabbing the ingredients for pancakes. I started making them and kept getting side tracked seeing Hallie in one of my t-shirts and her panties. Fuck. "Are you sure you don't have to go to school? I don't want you to get grounded again." I said when the batter was ready.

"I called my dad and told him that I wasn't feeling well. He told me it was okay and not to come home because he can't get sick." She laughed and moved to sit on the counter. I smiled and started cooking a few pancakes. I'm so happy that she wanted to stay here with me today. Hallie helped make eggs and bacon and we made our plates before sitting on the couch. "Thank you for making food." She chuckled and leaned into me while she took a bite.

"Thank you for helping." I mumbled and kissed the top of her head. I turned on the tv and Hallie suggested that we watch supernatural. I gave in and we watched it while we ate. Once we finished eating, Hallie turned to face me and paused the show.

"Okay, I know you don't like talking about stuff, but if you need to get anything out, you know you can talk to me, right?" She said nervously making me smile a little. "What?" She asked with a nervous smile.

"You're just really cute when you ramble nervously." I laughed. "And I know that you're there for me, and I appreciate it a lot, it's just weird. I had a taste of freedom, but found out that I'm still not really free. I don't know, hits different now." I mumbled and pulled her closer. "I'm okay though." I said. I'm far from okay. "I'm gonna go smoke really quick." I mumbled.

"Can I join you?" She asked. I nodded and we walked outside with the dogs. I lit a cigarette before grabbing my bong and lighting it. Wow, I needed this. I smoked a few bowls and Hallie took a couple hits. We went back inside and sat on the couch. She cuddled into me immediately and I wrapped my arm around her while pressing play on the show. She is so fucking perfect. She is here just to comfort me. Nobody has ever done that for me and it means so much. I got sucked into the show and we watched it most of the day. "So my dad doesn't want me to go home or to school for the next two days, so can I stay here?" She laughed.

"Of course, I don't really want to go back to school anyway. I don't want to take a chance." I mumbled pulling her closer. She seems sad again.

"Are you okay?" She asked looking up at me. Her eyes melted into mine and I got lost. I hate lying to her.

"Not really, but I think I will be." I mumbled still lost in her eyes. She's so beautiful.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked and grabbed my hand. Fuck.

"Maybe at some point, but I'm not ready yet." I mumbled, breaking eye contact.

"Of course, I understand." She said and cuddled back into me, not letting go of my hand. I love her so much. I'm so glad she can be patient with me. I don't even know what I would say to her.

"I'm gonna feed the dogs and smoke again." I mumbled and kissed the top of her head. She looked up at me and kissed me softly.

"Can I join you again?" She asked sweetly with a small giggle and I nodded. We walked to the kitchen and she watched while I fed the dogs before we walked outside. I smoked a cigarette and a couple bowls. Hallie leaned against me and it made me smile. Once I was done, I kissed the top of her head and wrapped my arm around her waist.

"Do you want to go to bed baby?" I asked looking down at her. She's perfect. She nodded and pulled away.

"I don't know why I'm so tired, we didn't do anything today." She laughed and kissed me softly. I smiled at her and we went to my room.

"Thank you for staying with me today. It meant a lot." I mumbled while getting into bed. She smiled and kissed me softly. I pulled her closer and deepened it a little. She's way too good for me. We pulled away and she cuddled into my chest. "Goodnight baby, I love you." I mumbled quietly.

"Goodnight. I love you too." She said sweetly and nuzzled closer to me. I kissed the top of her head and fell asleep soon after.