"Well fuck! Do you really think I've actually done something to deserve this? To get stepped on and be used by someone I actually trusted? I had finally opened up to someone! And then another idiot comes into my life and makes shit worse?!" I cry to my best friend about everything that has been happening to me lately.
All my regrets began with this guy I met at a bar, down by soho. The typical douchebag, that bleaches his hair and plays in a band with his friends in the summer, down in the bars of downtown Manhattan and Brooklyn.
Yes, he's the kind of guy who flirts with girls in the bars, buying them drinks, kissing them as he eye fucks you, making you moist down there.
I've seen it. It has happened to me. Usually I get to think to myself, "I'm never going to get laid. I'll end up being a 35 year old virgin, who doesn't know how to get herself off, because she doesn't know how to, even though she's been watching a whole shit load of porn."
And that's when I realized. I needed that feeling of affection.
I have to say, I should be proud of myself, because my parents always believed that I would end up being "Pure" 'till the day I get married. But the feeling of wanting to be touched, kissed, and fucked mercifully is taking over me.
And yes I've been observing him, every time I head over to "Jill's".
Stalker much? Maybe, but I go there because I get served even though I'm still under age. I mean a few months away from being legal won't hurt me, nor make me an alcoholic right? Most of the girls from my school head over there anyways.
I heard from one of them, that he recently moved in from Ireland, and that his band mates describe him, as an amazing "shag". I've never heard that term before but according to my best friend, "shag" means fuck, and clearly every girl in my class wants it.
Just two nights ago I decided to spend the night at home.
My Saturday nights are usually spent with my friends, but that night I decided to keep distance. I wanted to stay isolated, outside of my window, on my fire escape.
I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, with my rolled up "green", lighting it up, making my problems dissolve.
The parking lot from the building across from me is empty, usually filled with kids playing soccer, but the silence was a treat. I check my phone to see if I've had any messages, missed calls... nothing.
It was almost midnight, and the wind became a bit colder. I decide to get up and get back inside, until I hear someone call after me, right before I stick my head in. Different voices, in different tones.
I get a closer glimpse and I see him, with his friends standing in the middle of the parking lot waving up at me. At the time my first instinct was to head downstairs to where they stood, but all I did was wave awkwardly back at them.
-"You know, I can feel your awkwardness from down here. I hope we get to see you more often. Maybe we can get a warm welcoming from you." He finally says, walking away with his friends.
And that's when I knew that this summer was gonna be spent in my room, keeping myself away from the one the one thing I've been trying to avoid myself from...
Socializing.
