Crash Course

Chapter Four

A/N- hi! i'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update, i've been super busy with school and theatre, but everything's finally slowing down a bit so i should hopefully be updating more frequently. also, i'm sorry for the late update and short chapter, but i didn't wanna wait any longer to update. i have a tentative plan for where this story is going, but i'm not sure how many chapters it's gonna have yet. i'll update with that info soon. okay, that's the end of my note. enjoy!!

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     "I didn't get to say goodbye" I had said the same thing when Emily 'died' a few years ago. Why didn't we let her say goodbye? I know exactly what that kind of pain feels like, but Emily came back. Blake isn't coming back this time. And seeing Kailyn like that- it broke my heart. None of us had ever seen her so upset. She put up this steel, bulletproof wall up to guard her emotions, and this was the first time she ever let it down. She ended up falling asleep in my arms. I didn't really want anyone to fall asleep, in fear that they might die in their sleep, but she really needed it. I took my jacket off and rested her head on it, and walked over to Morgan.
    "How ya doin, kid? I know you and Alex were really close too. Maybe not as close as them..." he said as he looked towards Kailyn. She ended up crying herself to sleep in Spencer's arms. It hurt him to see her in so much pain, but he was silently happy she felt enough comfort with him to let her guard down.
    "Uh, I'm okay, I guess. I don't think I've fully processed it yet. It's just..." I trailed off. I didn't want to continue, but I knew Morgan would force me. He's always so worried about me. I understood that worry when I was in my mid-twenties and in hostage situations, but I'm almost ten years older now and he still worries. It kind of bothers me, but it's nice to know I always have him in my corner.
    "It's just what?" Knew it.
    "I... I have no way of fixing this. When we thought we lost Emily, I said the same thing she did. 'I didn't get to say goodbye'. We all collectively decided that bringing her over to see Alex one last time was a bad idea, but I knew how badly that might hurt her, but I still decided not to even so much as keep her in the loop. This guilt of her not being able to say goodbye to her mother-figure is going to stick with her forever. It's a terrible feeling, it'll eat away at her. I don't know how she's going to cope, either. She bottles everything up, and-"
    "Kid, take a breath," I hadn't even realized I was rambling. "Reid, look at me." my thoughts completely drowned everything out, as they tend to do when I'm in a panic. Possible future outcomes being the first to form, then the guilt, and then-
     "REID!" a hand finds itself on my jaw, ripping me away from my panicked state of mind and back into reality. "I need you to listen to me, and listen well. Can you do that?" Morgan asks in a soothing voice. All I can conjure up as a response was a slight nod of my head.
     "Okay... Reid, you knew that not taking Kailyn to see Blake was in her best interest. She wouldn't be able to handle the trauma of seeing her in that state, and we all knew that. Now, you can beat yourself up all you want, but I won't let you blame yourself for this, We all knew what had to be done, this was a decision made by the whole team-"
     "But Kailyn-"
     "-Will be okay. She's survived way worse, Reid. And she's still here, she's still fighting. And Alex... Alex knew how much Jones loved her. And who knows, maybe saying goodbye might've hurt her more in the long run. I just... I need you to understand that this is not your fault," there was a brief silence before he continued, "I need to hear you say it, Reid. I'm not about to stand here and let you build a wall around yourself again. I can't watch you dissolve into your thoughts again. Please say something, tell me you understand,".
     At this point, the entire team (minus Kailyn) was listening into this conversation. What I hadn't yet realized was that I was crying, I slowly looked up at Morgan with tear filled eyes, and squeaked out two words before collapsing into a ball of emotions in his arms-
     "Thank you"
♞