A Go Go Squid story

"You are my heaven"

What just happened ? 

Han Shangyan was heading back to his bedroom, his feelings mixed between relief, confusion but also shame. Shame because he now knew that everything was his fault, that what Tong Nian went through was because of him and a poor decision he made ten years ago. He was not sure he could even look at her in the eyes. To him, he was the cause of all her pain. Without him, she would still be happy, somewhere, living her innocent life with her friends. But because of him, she had to go through something that no one should ever experience. He had failed her. He had betrayed her. And that was something he was not able to live with. There would not be enough time in this life to apologize to her. And there was nothing he could do to erase the past.

So what was he supposed to do now ? Act as if everything was all right ? Leave her to make sure she won't ever suffer because of him ? No of course no. The thought of being far from her, even for one minute, had always broke his heart. There was a reason why, at the beginning of their relationship, he asked her to join him after that awful video session with that journalist. There was also a reason why he asked her to marry him, so quickly, when a few months before, he would not even look at one woman. She was his life, leaving her would mean that he would die, literally die. But what was killing him in that moment was this impossible situation. At one point he would have to tell her why did this man attack her, and he had no idea how. 

It looked like his inside rambling in the corridor, in front of his bedroom door was taking too long. In front of him, a worried Tong Nian showed up, opening the said door. 

"What are you doing?", she asked, confused to see her husband not moving from the entrance.

"Huh?" was his only answer. His eyes were staring at the floor, he knew he would not be able to hide his pain. She could read in him like an open book. He never needed to talk for her to understand him. And that's why he loved her so much. She had never asked him to change, to become talkative and to share everything with her.

"Why are you not coming inside?", she asked again, this time taking his hands to lead him in the room. Without a word, she made him sit on the sofa, and grabbed the aid kit she had previously prepared on the table. She then started to carefully clean up the blood on his face. With a concerned look, she also check his destroyed hands because of the amount of punches he gave to the man. She put a bandage on his right hand, and a sticking-plaster on his eyebrow. She didn't say a word while doing this and Han Shangyan could see how worried she was, again, because of him. After a few minutes, he decided to break that heavy silence.

"How did you know?" he finally asked.

"Hum?" she answered, not sure about what he meant.

"The aid kit was ready before I even entered the room... How did you know that I would come back... like this?", he said, pointing his hands and his scratched face. 

"Oh... That's because you are so predictable honey", she said, trying to joke to light up the mood. But this time, it didn't work. Han Shangyan was still not looking at her, and definitely not ready to even share a laugh with her. "Solo told me you that you were mad, and that you two had a fight. He also told me how you left him to find that man... It was not hard to figure out that you were not going to play some videogames", she continued, half serious, half playful, but also angry at her husband. Han Shangyan loved this the most about her. Even when she was mad at him for some reasons, she was always softing him up. Even when he told her those awful words during their breakup, she was the same sweet and caring young girl with him. 

"What happened then?", he asked. "What did you mean by 'I got your back'?"

"Oh baby I am upset you didn't figure it out yet", she said, sitting next to him on the sofa, never leaving his hands to be in contact with his skin since he was refusing her any eye contact. "I am a tech genius, I hope you never forget that", she continued, pretending to be annoyed.