not edited
eighteen::flashback one
"A long way from the playground"
This was his fault.
As Zayn sat next to the hospital bed, his eyes fixed on Liam's bloody face, the only thing going through his head was that it was his fault.
He fidgeted in the uncomfortable plastic chair, bringing his hand up to wipe his tears resting on his cheeks. He had never felt so vulnerable and broken before. He had never felt like his heart was torn out of his chest, he had never felt so much guilt resting as a burden on his shoulders, nipping away at the nape of his neck- as if to inject the memory into his body.
His other hand was still clenched around Liam's limp and cold hand, his palm pressing against his as his fingers weaved through Liam's calloused fingers. A sob raked through his body and he felt tears well up at the corner of his eyes.
Not again. Zayn thought. You've cried the entire night. Shut your fucking mouth, don't be such a coward.
But Zayn couldn't help but release a cry at the sight in front of him. He loved Liam so much- he had devoted his entire life to the boy with the enchanting smile- and he had gone away and ruined it. "I'm so sorry." Zayn whispered, his voice cracked and hoarse, "I love you."
And Zayn waited. He waited for Liam to open his lovely chocolate brown eyes and frown at him as to why he was crying. He waited for Liam to lick his dry, morning lips and to give him a slight loving smile. He waited for Liam to get up from the fucking bed and for Liam to grab his face, wipe away away his tears and then peck him on the lips. He waited for letting out a whine when Liam pulled away too quickly, and for Liam to chastise him and argue over his morning breath. He waited for Liam to say 'I love you'. He waited for Liam to come out of his coma.
And for the entire day, Zayn waited.
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"Higher, Zaynie!" five-year old Liam yelled as his best friend pushed him on the swing. Zayn grinned, his front toothless- the two teeth missing from yesterday.
"Liam, you'll fall." Zayn argued, his small, chubby arms slowing his movements so that Liam was swaying lightly on the swing.
The brunette pouted, jumping off of the swing...and landed on his bum. "Liam!" Zayn shouted, willing his small legs to run faster towards his friend. "Li, are you okay? Do you have a boo boo?" Zayn asked, his cute face scrunched up in worry. "H-hurts." Liam croaked, his eyes welling with tears as his bottom lip trembled. "No! No crying, Li!" Zayn said desperately. He absolutely loathed it when Liam would cry, it made Zayn feel awful.
Liam didn't show any signs of stopping. Big, fat tears were descending his cheeks and he was hiccuping and sobbing at the same time. Zayn's eyes widened as he frantically started to shush Liam. He tried rubbing his hair between his fingers- just how Liam liked it- but that didn't work either. So, he opted with doing what his father always did when his mother cried because of a bad day at work.
Zayn placed his lips on Liam's pouted lips. His lips were wet, and the kiss was sloppy, and his eyes were squeezed shut as he cupped Liam's puffy cheeks.
Zayn pulled back and looked at Liam, who had stopped crying. "Better?" the raven-haired boy asked, sitting criss-crossed in front of Liam and held his hands. "Y-yes." Liam grinned, fisting his hand and wiping his tears away.
Zayn gave him a slight smile before he got up and helped Liam up as well. "Zaynie?" Liam said, quietly as they walked hand in hand towards the slides. "Yes, Li?" Zayn questioned, looking side-ways towards Zayn.
"I'm not a girl." Liam muttered, looking down shyly. "I know that, Li." Zayn frowned, stopping in front of their favorite oak tree. "But boys kiss girls. Boy don't kiss boys." Liam mumbled, his eyes still cast downwards.
"But daddy said that if you love someone, you can kiss them." Zayn argued, "He said it shows that you care."
Zayn remembered the day his father had come and sat next to him when Zayn was watching Liam play with his other friends. He had seen Zayn look at Liam with a heart-warming smile- and even if Zayn was only a toddler, he knew his son cared for his friend.
"You love me?" Liam grinned, his eyes crinckling by the corners. "Yeah, I love you! Forever and ever!" Zayn giggled and squealed as Liam tackled him into a hug.
"I love you too." Liam smiled, his arms wrapping around Zayn's torso as he pulled him in for a tight embrace.
^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
Zayn let out a yell, forcing his mind to get rid of the image. He didn't need to remember good times with Liam, it would only make matters worse. The hazel-eyed man looked towards the bed in the darkness, making out Liam's faint outline.
He shivered on the plastic chair, his thin jacket wasn't helping. So he quickly got up and pulled off his jacket and toed his shoes off, lightly padding over towards where Liam was laid. "C-can I sleep with you?" he asked, expecting an answer. When he didn't get an answer, he merely took the silence as a yes and he pulled back the blanket, crawling into bed and wrapped and arm around Liam's waist, careful not to disturb the wires attatched to his beautiful body.
Zayn buried his face into Liam's chest, practically clinging to Liam's side. He inhaled Liam's scent to give himself some comfort. The lemon and cologne scent was mixed with the odor of medicine, but Zayn still sought comfort towards it, finally letting his eyes droop, muttering an "I love you." before he fell asleep.
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okay I'm an awful person.
Dedicated to: @SkankyG because she called me "the ziam queen" ((*fangirls*)) and I love her a lot.
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~Harry
YOU ARE READING
eighteen ➸ ziam au
Fanfiction❝kiss me where i lay down, my hands press to your cheeks. a long way from the playground❞ as zayn sat next to the hospital bed, his eyes fixed on liam's bloody face, the only thing going through his head was that it was his fault. - © a.
