Fall For You

FIRST FALL

“Sei?”

I slightly opened my eyes when I heard a woman’s calm voice calling out from the other side of my room’s wooden door. It’s Manang Fely, for sure. She’s the only one who’s left with me now. 

I’m not even related to her by blood. Sooner or later, she’ll leave me too. She’s supposed to be with her real family.

“Sei? I brought some food for you so please open the door...” 

I didn’t move an inch, nor did I bother to let out any voice so she would know that I am awake.

My eyes don’t sting. Even though I haven’t seen my face for days now, I am pretty sure that they aren’t puffy and sore anymore. But even though my eyesight is no longer cloudy, there’s no any source of light in my room so there’s no point in opening my eyes—well except from the small gap between the lower part of my wooden door and the floor.

“Sei... are you still not okay?”

I stopped crying a week ago. Perhaps my body ran out of water because I’ve been crying almost non-stop for a month already, and I even stopped eating and drinking anything for three days straight now. 

“Sei! How long are you planning to shut us out? You’re being too much!”

I slightly flinched when I heard Shane’s voice. Perhaps Manang told her to come today and try to talk me out of this pathetic drama I am pulling off again.

That’s right... Pathetic. That’s the only word that I can use to describe myself right now. 

“Why are you always doing this, Sei? What are you going to get from this? You’ve wasted almost two months of your life already!”

 “If before you get what you want by doing things like this, now you won’t get anything at all! So please Sei, just stop this and wake up!”

I know... because now, I won’t be getting anyone’s attention. No one will come to my aid whenever I cry like this again. No one will stay by my side anymore until I finally stopped crying.

Until... it hurts no more.

“Sei!”

That was the last word I heard from her. Even though I haven’t asked anything, Manang told me that Shane went back to Manila to run some errands. Manang was still persistent—she still brought food in front of my room’s door though I still haven’t opened it for the next two days. She haven’t left the house and constantly sneaked inside my room every other hour to check if I’m still breathing, while I pretended to be asleep for the whole time. 

I didn’t lock my room’s door. I know that Manang has a spare key, and I really don’t want to make her panic. She’s already on her 70’s and I know she must not be too stressed or worried.

But... I guess that’s what I am doing. 

“Sei, I’ll be coming out for tonight. My granddaughter is in the hospital and I need to take care of her while her parents are working. I’m really sorry. Will it be okay? I already asked someone to come over here and stay with you. I’m sure you’ll be glad to see her.”

I immediately opened my eyes as soon as I heard Manang’s voice break. I can imagine her standing outside my door and covering her mouth so that I won’t hear her sob. She’s definitely crying—and that mere thought broke my heart.

Everything’s been so hard for her. She’s old already and to imagine that she’s still going through things like this...

It’s my fault.