♡× ʜᴇᴀʀᴛʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ×♡

updates

I guess this is an update?

lifes been chaos. I have a new freind, i had a job interview a while back, I feel like its supposed to be getting better, however it doesnt feel that way. I keep feeling like im repeating the same days over and over. I wish something could break the cycle. 

Im not over him. 

i keep replaying one song when i think of him. and one part of the song in paticular. 

" When i said take me to the moon, i never meant take me alone. I thought if mankind toured the sky, it meant that all of us could go. But i dont want to see the stars if they're just one more piece of land for us top colonize for us to turn to sand. But we've been fucking mean, we're so elitist, we're as fucked as any church, and this bullshit west coast dogma has a higher fucking net worth. I bit the apple cause i loved you, and why would you lie, and then i realized that you're just as naive as i am. Oh your so trumatized it makes me wanna cry. You dumb bitch i loved you, i loved you, i loved you, its true, i wanted to be you and do what you do.  I lived here, i loved here, i bought it, its true. Im so embarrased. "

I dont want to think about him anymore, i hate him, i swear. I wish he'd get out of my head. but then again i love him. I wish he'd never leave. And now i understand why i constantly feel like i cant be in love. I hurt everyone i've learned to love, i hate myself for it. I wish i could just be okay. i want to be the guy people love but dont want to spend forever with.