"Onto my fourth letter now, and I know that if you knew, you might think it's crazy. It's like I'm spending my days writing these words that you'll probably never hear. And more so, I'm spending my nights talking to the One that never leaves. I remember telling you that I'll aways pray for you. The reality is, I still do. I told Him all about you. I told Him, how sometimes I remember certain memories and they hurt. That I wish I didn't remember them or even you at times. But I'm coming to understand that maybe it's good. Maybe it's good that I'm remembering you, because it reminds me of all that I'm worth, and I know now.. that I'm worth more than what you made me feel like. Although, at times I remember you, and it makes me think all things positive. Today, as I sat up from my bed, I remembered how you'd tell me things you'd never really would have shared at any other time. I could feel it in the way you talked about them, that you didn't feel this comfortable speaking about it to anyone else. I could tell you've been hanging onto them thoughts for a while and it's those moments that made me believe you loved me. And I loved you. But now, look at us. I'm here writing letters you'll never read, and you're oblivious to the fact. Maybe one day, my prayers will be answered and you'll miss me this much too.. or maybe. Just maybe, one day, you'll look for me, and you won't find me. The same way I looked for you amongst the madness and found nothing. You won't find me. Because, perhaps, I was never yours to be found. I remember praying for you to be written in my destiny, and the disappointment I felt when it all tore apart. But now I look back. And I think to myself; maybe the fact that you were even in my life at one point was Allah placing you in my destiny. Maybe the fact that you hurt me the way you did; was Allah showing me why some things are never meant to be in your future, and that some things are never meant to be destined, no matter how much you'd want them to be."
