Some love never fades

Chapter 5

                I was so confused with what I wanted. Part of me wanted the girls to fall asleep right away. The scared part of me wanted them to never sleep, never give me a chance to get turned down. As much as I willed the movie to not end, time to stand still, the night wore on. Lori and Bri both fell asleep fairly early, just over half way through the movie. It was another 15-20 minutes before Todd took notice of that fact. He joked, “Well I guess I’ll have to go get the second bowl of popcorn” motioning at Bri to show me that she was asleep. “Do you want anything?” “No I’m fine” I said. When he stood up my note sitting on the couch where his leg was confirmed that I was right about what I’d seen. Well at least he kept it. When he came back with a bowl of fresh popcorn, he placed it between us and sat down….about 2 feet closer to me! Oh no! Should I tell him that I changed my mind? While I freaked out I started to notice that it appeared that he was nervous too. I caught quick glances. Deep breathes to calm nerves. Why was he so nervous? Did he need to tell me that he wasn’t interested and just didn’t know how to say it? That had to be it…he had to be confused about how not to hurt me. That was so like Todd, always worried about protecting me in his quiet way. Why could I have ever thought that he would like me anyway? Maybe I could just play it off as no big deal. Could I be that cool calm and collected? Could I act that well? My mind was spinning out of control so quickly and wildly that I actually missed him ask me a question. He was just staring at me with those beautiful brown eyes, waiting. Had they always been the pretty?... What could he have asked? Darn it I should really pay attention. I had to admit I didn’t hear the question, no faking this one. “I’m sorry…What did you say?” A grin came across his face and he laughed the most nervous laugh I’ve ever heard come out of him. He’s normally so cool, calm and collected. He put his hand on the note without looking away from me and said “Did this really come from you?” Oh God! What do I answer, the truth….a lie? I went with a very meek “yep” and a nod. He nodded and turned back to the movie but not before I caught him swallow hard. Yep that’s a for sure no….damn. It took another panic filled 15 minutes for him to say anything again. The credits started signaling the end of the movie. He reached over to turn on the lamp, letting the credits play. “You getting tired?” he asked. “Not really” He nodded. I had to help him out, give him an out, after all this is my fault. Maybe he’ll just write it off if I do and it wouldn’t have to change our relationship. But what do I say… “So I can take that with me and we can pretend it didn’t happen” That came out completely wrong. Why didn’t I just stop? His eyes got really big, confused even. “This?” he asked. I nodded but at the very moment needed to escape from the room for a few moments. I’ve always had the impulse to run when cornered with anything hard or scary. As I nodded I said “I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back” I caught him shaking his head no out of the corner of my eye as I got up and hurried around the corner. I stood staring at myself in the mirror, trying to muster up confidence or at least some kind of decision. I considered just staying in the bathroom, sleeping on the floor. It wouldn’t be that bad. No he would come after me if I didn’t come back. I knew that. I had to go back in that room. So I sucked it up and headed back down the hall to my doom. He still sat there in the same place, however now he had my note in his hands. I stubbed my toe on the coffee table leg just as I noticed the note and tripped into my place on the couch. He waited for me to collect myself and look up. All I saw on his face was patience. That was so like him.  He handed me the note saying “Read it” and then looked down. I took a deep breath and slowly opened the note. How would I pick up the pieces in front of this boy after I read the words no in front of him?…. I unfolded the note. To my surprise it wasn’t just one word it was several.