butterflies rising | ✓

10: birthday dinner

For the next three days getting high is all she can think about, but Roman had gotten rid of all the heroin she had left while she was asleep. She cries constantly, vomits and shakes. The memory of her dad getting hit plays repeatedly in her head. She can't make it stop. She tries everything. She wants to claw it right out of her head. It hurts more every time it plays.

"Make it stop." She cries. "I can't do this! Make it stop!"

She can't look at Roman's face without seeing Andrew's first. Every move he makes makes her flinch. Anything said above a yelling voice makes her flinch. She feels helpless and stupid. Andrew's not here, she tells herself. Stop flinching like an idiot! But it's no use. She can't help it and she hates herself for it.

Roman tries his best. He doesn't leave her, he knows what she'll do if someone's not there with her. He fears she has drugs hidden somewhere, a secret stash she's been feeding off of. He tries his best to get her to talk, to tell him what's going on or if she needs help. He wants to be there for her, to help her if she needs it. But she won't tell him until the last minute. Until there's almost nothing he can do to help her. And still, he tries his best.

On the fourth day of Temperance's withdrawal she wakes up to the sound of music flowing up to her bedroom. She slides out of bed and puts on her dad's old University of Portland sweatshirt. She sulks downstairs, feeling a bit hungry for what seems like the first time in 6 months.

When she gets downstairs she realizes the music playing is coming from the kitchen. She steps into the kitchen to see Roman standing over the stove making eggs, singing along to one of Temperance's CD's she'd burned when she was 10. When he sees she'd come in he shoots her a warm smile.

"Morning Sunshine," He chirps. "Like your music choice, my sister was a big T-Swift fan too."

"You have a sister?" Temperance asks groggily, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"I do, her name's Elizabeth. I have a brother too, Gabriel." Roman says, scooping scrambled eggs onto two plates.

"Huh, never took you for the brotherly type."

"I don't take you for the sisterly type."

Roman places the plates on the table and gestures for Temperance to sit down and eat. She eats without forcing herself to for the first time in a long time.

"Don't have siblings." She says with a mouthful of eggs.

"I assumed." Roman replies

They converse lightly, Roman tells Temperance about his sister and brother, how they were homeschooled until Roman was 10 years old. He tells her about their family trip to Rome, leaving out having to go to church for 8 hours a day. He tells her about his grandmother, how kind she was and how much he loved her. She was the nicest woman in his family by far and always made time for him.

When Roman's talking Temperance is oddly attentive. She didn't think she could be this intrigued by his life as she is. She likes hearing about him, what he likes and where he's been. It made this whole situation less awkward. She wonders if he'd care to hear more about her.

They spend the day making small talk and taking a walk to get fresh air. Temperance doesn't think about drugs as much as she had the few days prior, Roman did a great job taking her mind off of it. Her grandmother texts her a few times to see how she's doing, Temperance tells her she's fine. She leaves out having OD'd and Roman spending the past 4 days with her. She assumes he'll be gone before she has to explain it.

Around 4 o'clock they get a knock at the door. Roman opens it to see a little kid dressed as a dinosaur behind it, holding a plastic pumpkin head.