butterflies rising | ✓

7: the past

Roman lays with Temperance in the quiet room until the party dies down. He holds her head in his hand, ever so often checking her pulse to make sure she was still alive. He made sure not to fall asleep himself, in case someone found Temperance in the bedroom passed out. Her voice plays over and over in his head like a broken record.

I'm so happy. I just wanna be like this forever.

He tries to think of what she really meant by it. Was she not happy? She looks so peaceful now in her sleep. He thinks of what he'd seen of her earlier that night, a small frail girl. Pale all the time. Veins visible through her skin. Tired all the time. Always a bit confused, out of it. Always dropping things, a bit of a mess overall.

He wonders what goes on in that head of hers. What she's seen, what she's experienced. What her deal is, her trauma and high points. He wonders what her favorite memories are, which ones never fail to make her smile when she's in the worst moods. He thinks about waking her up and asking her, but doesn't. She looks tired.

Soon Temperance wakes up, her eyes meeting Roman's. She sits up in the bed, wondering how she got there.

"Morning sunshine." Roman says.

Temperance rubs her eyes. Her head pounds and her stomach feels empty. She stands up quickly, too quickly probably cause it makes her feel a little faint. She goes to the door, prepared to leave before she hears Roman get up behind her.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

"Home." She says, swinging the door open and racing out of the house.

She speeds down the street, hoping and praying Roman isn't following her in his fancy car. She feels like an idiot, she'd done exactly what he'd warned her about. He was right, she did do things she now regrets. She took the little white line off the toilet seat cover and it worked. She can't remember what she'd said to him, done to him. If she even did anything to him. If he found her doing something with someone else. She can't remember. She can't believe she can't remember. All this time she wanted to forget, but not like this. She wants to forget what she'd said and had done to her dad, not Roman.

She wishes she had woken up in her own room back in Portland, and that everything that had happened in the past 6 months was nothing more than a horrible nightmare.

But it wasn't. There was no dream for Temperance to awake from. She is stuck. Stuck in a town that is foreign. Stuck in a life without her dad. Stuck knowing that the last thing she said to him was 'I hate you.'. Stuck knowing that despite those words being the last he heard, he still sacrificed his life for hers. Tears begin to leak from her eyes as she continues back home. They trickle down her cheeks and settle into her neck. She hopes nobody is staring out their windows right now, that no cars pass her by and no kids on bikes come hurling down the street and see her bawling her eyes out.

She quickly wipes her eyes and decides to step into the local diner. She orders a milkshake, catching the waitress by surprise. Once she gets it she continues walking home. The sun is just starting to come up, casting beautiful rays of light on the changing leaves. After a while she notices a familiar glossy black car tailing her. When the black car reaches Temperance's side, the window is rolled down revealing Roman in the driver seat.

"Would you let me drive you home, Missy? It's cold." Roman says, smiling.

"What is it with you and nicknames?"

"Well, your name is quite long and you won't let me call you Tempie so, yeah." Hearing her father's nickname for her stings Temperance's ears. It feels dirty coming out of Roman's mouth, wrong almost. She wants to smack him for repeating it, but she doesn't.