Puppet Master

Happy Place

November 27th, 2020

'Hello.

I don't know what to write. I'm so confused...

School is fine. I have a mixed martial arts tournament next week and I guess I am excited. I have friends and they don't mind my past or my quirk and it's really great! But... I just... It's harder now? We got these slips to fill out what high school we want to go to after middle school and we are supposed to turn them in soon.

I don't want to fill mine out.

What's the point? I don't think I'll be alive that much longer anyways. Well, I might but I shouldn't be. I am so happy and yet so scared and so paranoid, is what Bando-sensei called it, all of the time and the nightmares don't stop and my head hurts all of the time because everything is just so hard. Why aren't they attacking? Why do they care? I'm a burden, I know I am. But they hang around. They would all be better without me. They would get more sleep and worry less. I don't know why they worry about me...

Mom took the knife from me months ago after the first time I tried. They don't want me dead but they would be better without me.

I... I don't think I want to die. I sort of like my life now. I have friends that don't beat me up. Parent that don't torture me. A brother... He gave me this notebook a week ago and it is so amazing but now I am even more confused because they keep giving me reasons to not want to die but they are just putting more pressure on themselves to try and keep me alive when I know if I weren't here they could enjoy their lives so much more! I have my escape notebook still but if I escape then I will go back to living on the streets and I don't want to go back on the streets. I want to stay here but I can't! I don't want to keep hurting them!

I'm being selfish.

I don't know what I am supposed to do now.

Kiri's back from training now so-

-----

"Hey, man!" Kiri opened the door to their room.

-----

- goodbye for now I guess. I might be back.

Or not.

We'll see.

-----

Izuku closed his notebook and smiled up at his brother who was pulling out his pajamas for a shower.

"H- how was t- tr- training?" he asked. Kiri looked over at him. "I understand your bones popping now." Izuku snickered. "Fun?" Kiri shook his head. "Not at all. They are all like 'pop' and 'crack' and ugh... But training is fun."

Izuku nodded. "Tha's good." Kiri left to take a shower. He came back drying his hair, flopping on his bed only to hear:

"Boys! Dinner is ready!"

"Ugh..." Izuku gently pats his shoulder reassuringly. "Food w- will keep y- y- your energy u- up." Kiri sighed and got up. "Fine..."

_______________________________

Eijiro was following Izuku out of their room when he stopped and glanced over at Izuku's desk. Next to it was a crumpled ball of paper. He furrowed his eyebrows and bent down, ignoring the way his legs screamed at the movement. Eijiro picked it up and unrolled it.

He took in a sharp breath.

The high school application sheet. Blank. Eijiro swallowed. He straightened out the sheet as much as he could on the edge of the desk.