𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐥 | 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐦𝐚 𝐍𝐞𝐢𝐭𝐨

12

TW: Insecurities, panic attack

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Hina's POV

The sound of my footsteps echoed in the silent and empty hallways as I hurriedly made my way to the library. I had already left school ten minutes ago but on the way home, I realized that the envelope I stored my letters in, was gone.

I could feel my knees shake as I frantically searched for the maroon envelope I had left at my usual spot in the library. Once I retrieved it back successfully, I checked the letters carefully and felt relief as I confirmed that it was left untouched.

Hearing the library door open, I quickly hid behind the bookshelves, scared that someone would find out that I was still here even though the school was practically empty.

"Hurry up! I just wanna go home already."

Peeking between the small spaces in the books, I saw two girls around a small table talking as they collected a few books, putting them in their bags half-heartedly.

I turned around and leaned back on the bookshelves, deciding to mind my own business and leave when the two girls are finally gone.

"Hey Koharu-chan, you know that girl on the Hero Course? The one in Class 1-B?"

My attention immediately went from the envelope I was holding, to the two girls conversing upon hearing my class mentioned.

"Who? That attention seeker, Sasaki Hina?"

Attention... seeker...?

"Yeah! That one! You know, I kinda feel bad for her. I heard Monoma was only with her because he pitied her."

What...?

"Dang, really?"

"Yeah! Someone even said that he only talked to her because he was forced to."

He was...?

"I heard that, too! If I were her, I'd wish I was dead."

I wish I was dead, too.

"But, I kinda understand though. I mean, she isn't even pretty. Maybe that's why Monoma went for her cousin instead."

My eyes widened upon accidentally hearing their conversation. I clasped my hands on my mouth firmly as I tried not to let out a sob. My eyes stung as my tears uncontrollably dropped down my cheeks no matter how I willed them not to.

I couldn't breathe, but I couldn't let them know I was here.

The two girls continued gossiping, before they finally finished what came for. Their voices slowly faded out once they went out the door, indicating that they were gone.

I let out shaky breaths once I was finally on my own. I buried my head into my arms, bringing my knees to my chest as I sat on the cold floor. I could hear my heart pounding harshly as I tried to calm myself down.

I-I didn't know people thought of me as an attention seeker! I just wanted to have some friends—

I tried to stay level headed, but my body wouldn't cooperate. My chest felt extremely tight, my mind was slowly losing it, and I was starting to see stars as I tried not to pass out and collapse.

Why? Why did things have to be this way? Why is the world so harsh to me?

I was shaking nonstop and I knew I was suffocating, but all I wanted to do was to get rid of the numbness I was feeling right now.

I-I just— I just... didn't want to be alone...