Mafia

15 Lupin: After Lunch

I'd like to say that I have no idea what happened back at the restaurant, but I'd be lying. I know exactly what happened. 

I couldn't believe myself. I let myself have a panic attack... in public! Where anyone could've seen! All because I couldn't tell some nosy paparazzo to back off. 

The worst part wasn't the fact that I'd been having a good day until then, or that it was the worst panic attack I'd had in a long, long time. No. That would be too easy. The worst part was not being able to bring myself out of it. Damon had to pull me out. 

As I walked into my room, I tried my hardest to keep the thoughts out. I promise. I really tried. But it was no use. The thoughts came before I could stop them. 

Damon's already done so much for me. He shouldn't have to deal with my panic attacks too. I know I said that I'd find the mole in his organization, but he should just find someone else. 

And they kept coming... 

I'm just a burden. He's just doing everything out of pity. There's no way he actually thinks I'll be able to help someone as powerful as him, especially when I can barely help myself. 

And coming... 

He probably thinks I'm a freak. Probably thinks I'm worthless. Weak. Idiot. Can't even speak... 

And coming. 

Things kept spiraling from there. Getting worse with each and every passing second. 

I brought my fists to my ears, as if I could block out the sound of the voices coming from inside my head. For a while, I just stood there, listening to the thoughts. It was all I could do not to fall to my knees. 

Eventually, I'd had enough. I ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind me before turning the sink on to the hottest possible setting. Once the water was as hot as possible, I stuck my hand under, without hesitation. 

I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming as the scalding hot water flowed over the back of my hand. It hurt like Hades, but I forced myself to keep my hand under the burning water. 

After a while, I heard a soft knocking at the door. 

"Lupin?" Damon called through the bathroom door, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," I said, "I'm fine." I tried to keep my voice from cracking from the pain. Apparently, I didn't do such a good job, because the next thing I heard was Damon jiggling the handle as he tried to get through the locked door. 

"Lupin," Damon said, "You're not fine. I can hear it in your voice."

"Seriously," I insist, "I'm fine." The back of my hand had turned completely red under the water. I could feel the burns getting worse by the second. Involuntary tears slid down my face as I closed my eyes in an effort to stop the flow. 

"Lupin," Damon said again, "Open the door." He tried to open the door again. "I'm not leaving until you come out."

"Okay," I said, turning off the water. For a moment, I just held my arm to my chest. Once I got through the first few seconds, I looked at my hand. The back of my hand was covered in second degree burns. I silently cursed at myself. I hadn't meant to go that far. I never did. I pulled down the too long sleeves of my oversized sweatshirt. 

I unlocked the door and let Damon in. He opened the door slowly as I moved to stand with my back against the counter. Even though the bathroom was relatively big, Damon didn't allow for much space between us as he moved to stand in front of me. 

"Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded. 

"Hey," he said with a soft smile, "let's watch a movie, okay?"