Nova Baker

28

Regulate

Sprezzatrura
(N.) the ability to make ones actions seem effortless or to disguise ones true desire, feelings, or meanings
(N.) studied carelessness

I was currently walking up to the James household, with my dad since Spencer left his wallet.. We had noticed that the door was open and knocked before opening. Dad walked in last after I had notice the tension that was in the air and Spencer turned his head towards us. 

"Spencer you forgot your wallet" Dad said as he closed the door, but after dad looked up he notice the extra person  in the room with the atmosphere. "Corey" dad said tossing the wallet on the table and looking at said person.  "Billy" said Corey, looking between the everyone. I can tell that the adults in the room have some unfinish business and the use the teens the kids whichever is preferred at the moment were caught in it. 

"You guys good" Dad asked 

"were good" Mama Grace said " Im out" spencer said moving backwards. "Spencer" Corey called out, as Spencer left to his room. 

I closed Spencer's door behind me, my eyes immediately landing on him as he sat on the edge of his bed, head hanging low. His hands were clenched into fists, his posture rigid, but I could tell that beneath the anger, there was something else—something deeper. Pain. Hurt.

"Spence?" I asked softly, walking closer to where he sat.

He didn't respond at first. Just stared straight ahead, his jaw tight. The silence between us was thick, heavy with all the things left unsaid. I took a seat next to him, giving him space but staying close enough for him to know I was there. It's what I've always done for him—been there, quietly, when he needed someone to just listen.

"You don't have to talk if you don't want to," I said, trying to offer him an out, knowing how hard it was to find the right words in moments like this. "But I'm here, Spence."

He finally looked up at me, and for the first time today, I saw something other than anger in his eyes—vulnerability. But it was quickly masked, the walls going back up.

"Everything feels like it's falling apart, Nova," Spencer muttered, his voice barely above a whisper. "Like nothing's ever going to be right again."

His words hit me harder than I expected. I could see how much the tension between him and his father, Corey, was weighing on him. How every unresolved conversation, every unsaid word, was building up inside him like a pressure cooker, ready to explode.

"It's not your fault," I said, my voice steady but full of empathy. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Spencer shook his head, frustration creeping into his voice again. "It doesn't matter. It's never enough. No matter how hard I try, it's like I'm always a step behind. And now, I'm... I don't even know who I am anymore, Nova."

I didn't know what to say to that. How could I? How could anyone? The truth was, I didn't have the answers. I didn't know how to fix what had happened between him and his dad. I didn't know how to take away the pain of feeling abandoned, of wanting something from someone who couldn't—or wouldn't—give it.

But I knew this much: Spencer was hurting, and I wasn't going to let him face this alone.

I reached out, placing a hand on his arm, trying to offer some small measure of comfort. "You don't have to figure it all out right now. You just need to take it one step at a time."

He didn't look convinced. In fact, I could see the way his eyes glazed over, like he was lost in a whirlwind of emotions that I couldn't touch. And that hurt. I hated seeing him like this, feeling so lost. But there was nothing I could do to erase the years of distance, of unresolved pain between Spencer and his father. All I could do was be here, with him, for as long as he needed.