Who am i

Chapter 3 a hard time

I stayed up thinking all night, what if she isn't dead and she is just playing a long prank? What if all of this is one big dream?

I have so many questions that no one can answer, people would think im crazy if I asked them. I keep my thoughts to myself, what's said in my room stays in my room.

I started crying as I starred at the ceiling thinking all these things. It's been along time since she died but I still can't let it go.

I'm trying as hard as I can but it all comes back to me, the first day we met, everything. People say you go to hell if you kill youself, I'm just thinking when they say that what the crap is wrong with you? People kill themselves so they don't have to put up with all this crap you give them. I get so mad every time I hear someone say something about killing themselves, it's not a joke, especially when the one you loved most did it to be free. She fly's free up in heaven may she rest in peace as I speak. One day we will be reunited, just not now. When the time is right we will see each other. I hear Alexa talk to me everytime I hear those thoughts and I see her laying beside me, as if she was really their I am so delusional right now no one understands what I'm seeing.  I go down to make sure my mom is awake, she's making breakfast.

"Go clean up your old room before I do" mom demanded.

I simply do what I call procrastinating, there's no way I'm cleaning my old room. Thats the room me n Alexa slept in when she stayed. My mom stormed off into that room, I hear things being thrown around as if a robber was there. I walk in and come to find out my mom was throwing things, I see her sitting in the middle of the floor crying as hard as she possibly can.

"We will NEVER get her back she's gone forever" she sobbed.

I tried to calm her down but she told me to leave. I don't know whats gotten into her lately, she's never acted like this before.

I guess it's just a phase, im not quite sure. But whatever it is she must not be happy about it.  My mom comes to my room to talk to me while I sit there supposedly ignoring her.

"I'm upset because she's gone and I barely knew her, she was there for you when I wasn't and I hate myself for that, I just wish she could be here longer". Mom said

"Mom I just wanna be alone right now" I cried. 

I can't help but feel bad for my mom, I mean she was a stripper and an alcoholic. But she was still my mom, I just can't bare the feeling of her acting like it's her fault. I thought the best friend was supposed to act like that, but I guess I thought wrong. One way or another, we have to move on.