Esperance of V

7. To love.

Taehyung
I felt Arya freeze at my words. I know the girl has some baggage. It was evident at the dinner last night but I still couldn't stop myself from asking her out anyway. She's beautiful. Okay, I've seen my share of beautiful women but I really can't put my finger on why am I attracted to her. So in the end I'm just accepting it.
"What do you mean?",she asks.
"I mean generally. Don't everyone have some or other problems?",I reply smoothly because I'm 100% sure that she doesn't want to discuss anything like that with me. She relaxes immediately. I pull her chair closer so that it faces me and her legs are between mine. I just want to be close to her. I've had too much work these past months and no fun. I look at her, this is the closest I've been to her. I see that she's still wearing those earrings. Moving closer I touch her earrings and let my fingers linger at her ears. "You're still wearing them."
"Yes. You said they are pretty"
I smile inwardly. Keopta. Cute. "So are you Arya."
Up close I can hear her breath stutter, she touches her hair nervously and her heart's beating a little bit faster. I move my fingers slowly up and down her ear only to take it away and move back. For a second I forgot that granny or aera could come out any second. But I'll accept that I want to kiss her. I really don't know what shade her lips are because all the times I've seen them, they have been a different colour. Right now they are red. Like the strawberries that I love. And I want to take a bite. "Thanks taehyung",she replies. I like her saying my name. Cliché. And not the stage name but my real name. Now I don't have any problem with people calling me 'V' but sometimes it feels impersonal, like they just like me as an idol. Being called Taehyung makes me feel like a person who has feelings, who can love and be loved, who can reject and be rejected, like I'm just another human and not someone who people put on pedestal. "You're most welcome babe",I reply. I saw her eyes widen a little when I called her babe. Cute, again.
"So babe, tell me about your problems." That sweet look is gone now replaced by a sad expression.
"I am unable to forgive someone, whom I should have forgiven a long time ago",she confides in me. Why does this feels like her personal battle? like a lioness showing her wounds and asking for help. I think about it a bit and then try to help her with my words and wisdom. (whatever little amount I have) I take her hands in mine and looking in her eyes I try to give her an answer,
"Trial and error"
"What?"
"Try a method and if it fails try another"
"I still don't understand"
"I am someone who was not used to forgive anyone easily. Back then my mum told me that there is no straight answer to that, you have to find your own way around. So I'd try different ways. Sometimes I'd talk to them if I could, other times I'd write all the possible words that I wanted to say and couldn't. If it was the case of friends I'd just shout at them. Sometimes I'd even try to look from their point of view to understand their reasons. Sometimes beneath the anger I found love, some other times jealousy and deflated self-esteem. We're humans, no matter old or young we're prone to make mistakes. And sometimes we end up feeling things we shouldn't."
Her eyes are on me. "Wow! That was deep", she says with her mouth half open. I find her reaction really cute. So cute that I couldn't resist myself anymore. I lean forward and press my lips to hers. Soft. So soft. I taste her lower lip then after a peck I pull back. Once again I remind myself that we can be seen by someone. Her eyes are closed. I touch her cheeks with my finger tips and she opens her eyes after blinking a few times. Her close proximity is dangerous, she is alluring.
"Let's go. I'll show you around",I tell her. Then being the tactile person I am, I take her hand in mine. I show her the garden and tell her about how much granny loves gardening and also about the rare flowering plants she has. Then comes a small children's play area. There is a pair of swings for elders too. She looses my hand to sit on the swing.
"Push me Mr Kim"
"Do you really want me to push you away Miss Mehta?"
"Then pull me towards you, I might go away for a second but I'll come back again"
I laugh at her.
"Too cheesy?",she asks.
"Neh. Yes. But as I said earlier I like it", saying that I pull her legs and then the swing moves of its own accord. I take out my phone and take a few pictures. She smiles widely at the camera. Click. Click. Click. Beautiful, I say to myself.
After the swing I show her my favourite spot of this place. It's the edge of the hill, from here you can see the scenery of the village.
"Wow! Taehyung, beautiful"
"Me? I know",I joke. She rolls her eyes and sits down on the grass, she pats the ground next to her asking me to sit. I sit next to her. It's afternoon the sun is above our heads but it's cool out here.
"This would be perfect if the sun was setting and my head was on your shoulder",she says quietly. Is she embarrassed?
"You have quiet an imaginative head, Miss writer"
"What's a writer without imagination? Absolutely nothing."
"So if we were a couple in one of your books, how would you write our story?"
"Why ask Mr Kim, but obviously you fall in love with me and beg me to stay by your side, I say yes and we live happily ever after",she finishes in a sing-song manner. I laugh out loud. This girl. Jinjja michin! Really crazy!
"Come on! Arya be serious. How would it go? An idol and a writer? What would happen if she doesn't have to go away?",I ask again. Sobering from Laughter she answers,
"Being an idol or writer doesn't really matter when you're in love taehyung. You always end fucking it up and loosing the other. And then it's game of forgiveness, time and love. If you love them enough to forgive them before it's too late, then you both win",she replies.
"Wow! that was deep",I tease her by repeating her words from before. She punches my shoulder lightly and then says,
"Personally I write happy endings mostly so I think you'll fuck up and then I'll find a way to forgive you and then we'll live happily ever after", she sing- songs the last part again. I laugh.
"Then a toast to our happy ending",I say and raise my hand holding an imaginary glass. She clinks the said imaginary glass and says
"To love Mr Kim"
"To love Miss Mehta"
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