High School Hockey Boys

18

I had hoped that by the end of the Christmas holidays people would have forgotten about my situation. Or at least come to terms with it enough to ignore the fact that one of their peers was pregnant. That wasn't the case.

Not for everybody, at least. There was a large group of students who didn't seem to care anymore and left me alone. They went about their days like I didn't exist. There were others who didn't care until they saw me. Then they would start watching me and whispering and not quite pointing at me, but still making it obvious who they were talking about. Then there were the few--the ones who thought they were better than everyone else--who actively sought me out. They asked questions, tried to give me advise I didn't want or need. One of them even gave me a printed out copy of an abortion clinic's website page. 

I'd thrown that out before anyone could see it. 

I tried to keep myself distracted. I played games on my phone to pass the time, and to hopefully keep people from approaching me. I ate lunch in the back corner of the library and did homework for the same reason. It was nerve wracking, having people's eyes on me. I almost wanted Cassandra back. She would've commanded everyone's attention.

The girls tried to cheer me up as much as they could. I had some classes alone so they were limited to lunch time and out of school, but I appreciated their effort. They'd brought me cupcakes and told stupid, corny jokes. They hugged me often and Sophie held my hand as we walked through the halls a lot. 

I sighed into my math textbook and rested my head in my hand. I think I'd had more stress in the three days we'd been back at school than I had since the beginning of high school. I was tucked away at a corner table in the library, away from the rest of my class. Our teacher was absent and the school hadn't been able to find a replacement, so the vice principal had taken everyone down to the library and told us to do any school work we had.

I slipped my phone out of my pocket and glanced at the screen. It was empty of any notifications. I typed in my passcode and opened the messages app and clicked on Eli's name.

January 1, 12:00 am

Finley: Happy new year Eli! Love you!

January 3, 10:45 am

Finley: How was your Christmas and new year?

January 4, 6:12 pm

Finley: How is the invitational going? I love you.

January 6, 1:00 pm

Finley: Is everything alright? I haven't heard from you in a while.

Finley: You're probably super busy. Sorry. I love you.

January 7, 1:00 am

Finley: Eli?

I scrolled through the one sided conversation numbly. I hadn't heard from Eli in weeks. There had been several occasions, like right now, where I debated telling him I was pregnant. Just to see if he would answer.

Something told me he wouldn't.

I felt incredibly guilty. Eli was a great guy. He'd been nothing but nice to me. He was just a man with a dream that was getting closer to coming true. I was sure he forgot to text his mom back sometimes too. The invitational would be over soon and the top three teams would move on to the skills camp. Eli would be gone until the end of the school year most likely; or most of it anyway. They'd be back in time for some rest and then training for the next season would begin. The whole team would be super busy for a long time.

I still couldn't help feeling a little disappointed though. I rested my hand against my stomach and looked down at it. 

"I'm sure he'll call soon," I muttered to myself. 

With another sigh I returned to my homework. 

~*~

I went over to Harper's house after school. Mom was working a double shift, and I still got the feeling I bothered James a little, but I didn't want to be alone. Harper didn't ask any questions besides repeating her mom's request to know what we wanted for dinner.

We had to walk back to her house since her dad was still at work and her mom's car had to get new brakes. We were tucked into our coats and wrapped in scarves, hats and gloves to try and keep the cold and the wind out. We walked arm-in-arm the whole way trying to share a little body heat. As soon as we were close enough Harper grabbed my hand and we ran as fast as we could on the snowy sidewalk up to her front door. 

A blast of warm air hit us as soon as we got inside and we both slumped in relief at the feeling. Our bags were dropped by the stairs and our outerwear neatly put away before we were called into the kitchen by Harper's  mom.

"I made some hot cocoa. Sit," she said.

Harper and I sat down at the table and two steaming mugs were brought over to us. I wrapped my hands around mine to bring some feeling back in my fingers. She joined us a few minutes later with a cup of coffee.

"So how have you been feeling, Finley?" Mrs. Stevens asked.

"Fine. The morning sickness has gone away."

"That's good. I remember when I was pregnant with Harper, the little rascal made me sick every day for almost seven months," she said with a fond smile. "And how's Eli doing?"

I froze for a second before forcing a happy smile onto my face and replying. "He's great."

It hurt that I had to lie. That I couldn't tell her 'I don't know'. I hadn't told anyone about how long he'd been MIA. I didn't want them feeling bad or pitying me. I was also afraid of the possibility that they would tell me he was just busy and he'd get back to me when he had some free time. That I was worrying about nothing.

My biggest fear was that Eli had been lying to me from the start. That he was a part of that game most of the team was playing. He'd swooped in the night I'd been played by Graham and let me cry on his shoulder. He'd told me so many reassurances. He'd gone as far as to tell me he loved me. But I hadn't heard from him since before Christmas. He'd slept with me, given me attention for a little while, and now he was gone. I didn't want to think of Eli as a player (in that sense), or a cheater. 

But he was so far away, surrounded by the same group of boys all day. There were bound to be girls around where the games are held, or even family members of other teams who could catch his eye. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd found someone better. 

Harper drew me back into the conversation and I did my best to laugh along. I was trying to give Eli the benefit of the doubt. But the longer he went without responding the more my heart broke.

Later, after we'd eaten dinner, Harper and I were up in her room watching a movie silently. We were cuddled up on her bed under the blankets to keep warm. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and hoped it was a text back from Eli finally. But confusion set in as it kept vibrating and I pulled it out of my pocket. My brow furrowed as I looked at the screen, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Who is it?" Harper asked.

"The police."