Mr. Avidan?

02

TRIGGER WARNING: S*LF H*RM

Barry's POV:

I honestly felt honored when Dan asked me to go with him to his first therapy session in years. In fact, I'm so proud of him. I would've figured he'd ask someone else, like Arin or Ross but it might have something to do with that we live together so I was a very convenient choice and I don't think they know he's going to therapy, went to therapy in the past, or who it what he's done in the past. Either way, I don't mind waiting on him at his sessions. I wonder how it's going in there...

In all honesty, I have noticed something off about him lately. He's seem, a lot more reserved. He doesn't talk or laugh as much, but it's still there.

There has been this off look in his eyes lately, and I was never really able to identify it.

It's almost as if his eyes have a glaze over them, like he's here with everyone else but also like he's off in another world inside of his head at the same time.

I also became afraid once he started wearing long sleeve shirts, sweatshirts, and sweaters in the very hot California heat. I was afraid that he started to hurt himself again, and I wonder if he's started in new places. I honestly don't know what to do with myself if he did.

I couldn't tell if I was imagining him getting thinner, or if it was actually happening.

I think my suspicions are correct however, since he suddenly wanted to seek therapy again, and it got to its worst before he sought out therapy the first time.

I don't think any of our other friends know about this, as how I found out was an accident.
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Flashback
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"Hey Dan, I was wondering if you-"

I opened the door to Dan's room, to see him shirtless at the foot of the bed with a shirt over his arms about to go over his head.

My eyes fell down to his waistline and lower stomach, and that's when I saw them.

Long and short scars littered his skin in a way that was scattered just organized at the same time. Some were thinner than others, most of them were newer than others too, I could tell. He was even bleeding, meaning he just got done from doing it again for what seemed to be the millionth time.

The bag of fast food that I had just picked up for the two of us slipped out of my hands and spilled out onto the floor. I brought my hands up to my mouth, afraid of any noise that might come out. I suppressed a gag and tears easily began to sweep in my eyes and

Dan whipped his head up to face me, a look of sheer terror in his eyes. Next thing I know, he quickly got the shirt off of his arms and he threw it at me.

"BARRY! GET THE FUCK OUT!"

Dodging the shirt, I bolted away from his room, slamming his door in the process.

I quickly went to mine and carefully closed the door behind me, as I didn't want to disturb Dan anymore.

Soon after I left my room quietly and walked next the the couch, where I could process everything I just saw without being isolated in my room. The whole place was silent, except for the soft, quiet, cries emerging from the direction of his room.

I couldn't move to go comfort him, I physically couldn't move my body in that moment. I don't think he'd even want my solice anyway.

I couldn't believe it. One of my best friends hurting himself like that. It made my blood boil with how angry it made me. I was also angry with myself. Had I contributed to make him feel bad enough to do this or was it him? How stupid must I be to have not noticed it soon? No, I did notice, I'm just a shitty friend who didn't say anything.

I hadn't known how much time has past with me sitting there, but I honestly didn't care. I just wanted to find a way to comfort my friend, that's all that mattered.

Eventually he came out of his room, as I could hear his door open and close down the skinny hallway in front of me to my left. His footsteps were slow, but I could tell that he was coming into my direction.

Soon enough, he found his way into the room the room that I'm in, head lowered and hair in his face. He was still sniffling but I could tell that he was crying for quite a while, despite me not knowing how much time has gone by.

I couldn't make myself look up at him from the place that I was staring at on the wall in front of me. I just couldn't to it. I was still trying to suppress the urge to vomit, the image seared into my brain. I can't stop seeing it, dear god.

He sat down next to me, but not too close where I could feel his presence besides the couch sinking down a little bit.

The silence that fell in the room was deafening and was so uncomfortable. I could feel Dan shift a little bit on the couch before interrupting the silence.

"Barry...? I...I'm sorry you had to see that..."

I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at him and ask him why. I wanted to storm out of the building and just run away. I wanted to vomit. However, the thing I want most is for him to know that I'm here for him, through everything. I know that all of the other things I want to do will do the opposite is what I want to do most.

"Dan...I don't want to say anything hurtful and something that I might regret. You might be able to talk about what just happened but I don't think I'll be able to have a clear mind through that conversation just yet. I don't want to put a strain on our friendship so I want to talk about this later tonight once I have time to process everything. I care about you so much Dan, in fact I love you. You mean so much to me and I don't want you to leave me, to leave all of us. Don't feel guilty, don't feel selfish, don't feel like I hate you because I don't."

I managed to pull my eyes off of the wall and turn my head to the right to face him. He was staring down at his hands, tears falling on top of them.

"I-I'm sorry..."