An Empty Shell

Chapter 13

Draco's POV:

Harry didn't say a word the next day, or the day after. He wasn't in the state he had been in before, but it almost seemed worse. Now he was aware of what was happening, and he had to deal with that and the thoughts in his head.

Finally, on the third day, he found me outside in the courtyard and sat on the bench beside me. He pulled out the journal I had given him and opened to a large page that was covered in lines and boxes and names. There were several sticky notes and pieces of paper stuffed and tapped onto it. It looked like one of those police boards that they make when the are trying to find a killer. What? I had a thing for muggle television.

"These people, " Harry pointed at a box with Mr. and Mrs. Weasleys names "they are the red-heads. Ron's parents." I nodded. "And them, " He pointed to a box not too far that had my parents' names in it "they are the Malfoys. Your family." I nodded again, looking over the page.

Each box was connected to a line that connected to more boxes. He had written so small, there were over twenty family trees. I had no idea how he had remembered them all---I didn't remember them all---but somehow he had written them all down.

I looked down at the Black family tree and saw Sirius, Bellatrix, my mother, and Andromeda. I lifted my head and looked at Harry in shock.

"How did you know all of this?" 

Harry looked down at the notebook. "I remembered most of it, but some I looked up. Like here," He pointed at the name Dedalus Diggle, "I remember him, the name, anyway, but I don't remember her." He pointed at the name Annabell Diggle. 

I shook my head. "You wouldn't know her. She was his sister. She died in the war. It was before both of our times." 

Harry nodded and made a little line beside her box. I looked around the paper and saw that there were many tiny lines, and they were all beside people who had died.

"You're really into this, aren't you?" I muttered. 

Harry nodded. "I have to know what I've forgotten. You told me all of these things, and I know it was important, so I want to remember." 

I sighed and turned my whole body to face him. "Harry, I told you because you asked me to. Because I was worried about you. But now, honestly, I'm even more worried. You're trying to connect all the dots, but they don't need to be connected. Not yet."

Part of my intentions were selfless. Part were not. I worried that if he did remember, if remembered all that had happened, he would go away. Go back to his friends and try to forget ever being friends with me.

I knew  it was stupid. He was Harry bloody Potter. I should have just been trying to help him, not myself. But at the same time, he was Harry bloody Potter.

"Why? Why are you so afraid for me to find out the truth? I've already told you that I'm not going away again."

"But can't you see that you already have? You barely talk to anyone, barely eat. It feels even worse than when you weren't here at all." 

I instantly regretted my words when Harry's body tensed.

"You told me what happened," he started in a measured voice, "and I am trying to remember that for myself. It's my life, I want to remember it. I thought you wanted that too." 

I nodded. "And I do. But I don't want you to flood your brain. It might be too much." Harry was quiet, and my eyes pleaded with his. "You are special, Harry. Too special to be gone. You...you are more important that you can ever understand, even if you remember everything. Risking you being gone again..." I shook my head, "that's not a risk I'm willing to take."

Harry looked into my eyes, then over my face. He was quiet for several moments---during which I could see he was having quite the internal debate---then he once again looked up at my face and slowly nodded.

"Okay." 

My mouth dropped. "Okay?" 

He nodded again. "Okay. You don't want to risk me going away again. To be honest, I don't either." I let out a relieved breath---it felt like a massive weight had been lifted off of my chest---and Harry smiled.

"Are you alright?" he asked and I chuckled.

"Perfect. Absolutely perfect." His smile crinkled his eyes, and I felt one turn up my lips.

~I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have had such bad writer's block with this story, but I promise I am working on it!!

XoXo
-Em