Do You Ever Feel Lonely? (Nadia X Reader)

PTSD

A/N: Hello! It's been a while since I've updated this, but well, I couldn't sleep. It's been quite some time since I've wanted to write another chapter, but I didn't know what to write. So, this is something that keeps happening to me whenever I see something that freaks me out. It's probably thanks to some childhood trauma.

Whenever I can't fall asleep, I often imagine how it'd feel like to cuddle with my girl or to be cuddled by her. Unfortunately, we live in two separate countries, so meeting isn't an option for us right now. But well, some people said that sleeping with someone might help with these issues. That's why I decided to write about it. I hope you'll enjoy it! And please, if you have anything in mind, leave me some feedback! Ideas, whatever. And now, I'm gonna try to fall asleep lol sorry if it sucks, but it's almost 2 am.

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Another sleepless night. It's been many torturing hours since you went to sleep, your eyelids are heavy, and your body is tired, but you can't fall asleep. Every minute feels like an eternity as you pray to yourself for at least a moment of rest, but your mind is failing you. You can't forget what you had seen that day. As much as you're trying to push those terrifying thoughts away, the terror in your mind keeps haunting you, and you can't help but feel pathetic and ashamed. You're not a child anymore, and you're definitely one of the bravest in Vesuvia. But sometimes, even the best can suffer. You have weaknesses too, and yours shows at night.

Nothing seems to help your case. Medicine, doing more things during the day, anything. None of them are working, and it makes you and your lover worry. Nadia has been keeping an eye on you since you complained to her about your sleeping problems. She was so sad for you and yet still understanding when you told her. Nadia would never judge you. She loves you the way you are.

But tonight, she went to sleep earlier than you, and when you retired to your shared bedroom, she was already asleep. She's the Countess, so obviously, she's a busy woman. You definitely don't envy the amount of work she gets done every single day. The sight of her peacefully sleeping warmed your heart, but it also scared you. Nadia is your greatest comfort, she has always been. Without her arms wrapped around you, you wonder if you'll ever fall asleep. You probably won't.

You still tried your best to rest without disturbing her, but once again, nothing worked. You're getting tired of this, and you're not sure how long you can keep going like this. These sleepless nights are definitely affecting your everyday life. And Nadia's worried about you. It breaks her heart to watch you suffer and be unable to do anything about your problem. It probably hurts her just as much or perhaps even more. You're trying to stay strong for her and push yourself to be better, but you're constantly failing.

You sighed quietly and turned your head towards Nadia. Your beautiful Countess, your love, your Nadia. She'll be so sad when you tell her about this in the morning. Each time you did so, you could see the sorrow in those crimson eyes. She's so desperate to help you, to do anything that could ease your pain. But she can't help when she's asleep. You yearn for her touch, to have those arms tightly wrapped around you. Perhaps, you could snuggle a bit closer, press your body against her back and cuddle her from behind. You've never done that before. It's always Nadia who holds you and not the other way. But maybe, you could give it a try. Sure, she wouldn't get mad, right?

You gain all of your courage and carefully shift a little closer to your lover's body. And then you get even closer until you can feel her warmth against your front, until you can smell her intoxicating scent. Shyly, you move your arm to rest it on her waist, and you let your hand slide down to her toned stomach. She's so perfect, and she feels so right against you. Why haven't you done this before? You smile to yourself, but then you wonder if she ever wanted you to do this. Nadia never mentioned such thing, and she has always been so eager to have you in her arms. You closed your eyes and began to relax as you kept thinking about her, your fears fading away. Gods, this is much better than you imagined. It feels magical to have your beloved in your arms. You wonder if she'll let you do this some other time as well.

Lost in your thoughts, you failed to notice Nadia taking a deep breath and opening her eyes. She felt something warm and soft embracing her from behind, and when she opened those beautiful eyes of hers, she realized that it's just you, her everything. The Countess couldn't help but smile as she felt a familiar warmth in her chest, making her feel like no one else in the entire world.

"What are you doing, Y/N?" She asked, her voice playful, but low like a whisper.

You suddenly opened your eyes, anxiety taking over as you released her from your arms. "I-I can explain!"

But Nadia just turned around and smiled at you, her eyes filled with her love and kindness for you. "No need to explain anything, dear. I quite enjoyed this little surprise, but I don't understand where this is coming from."

"Well." You began saying. "I couldn't sleep again, but I didn't want to bother you. So I thought this might help."

She hummed, still looking at you fondly. "And did it help, my love?"

Ashamed by your sneaky little crime, you bit your lip and shamefully looked away before answering her question. "Yes."

"My..." She laughed, the sound of her voice echoing through the dark room. "Then let's get back to where we were, darling. Let me enjoy your embrace once again."

Both of you smiling, you got back to the exact same position. Once again, you had your lover in your arms, and she smiled, her love greater than ever as she thought about how amazing it is to have someone care about her too. Love hurts like nothing else, and she knows that. But when you love someone, and they love you back, that's the most incredible feeling ever.

Loneliness isn't an option anymore.