Fire & Desire

1|Pathetic

"I'm only twenty-seven." I thought to myself as I twirled the last bit of my expensive wine in my glass. I hung on to the word "only", finding comfort in it although my life was slowly creeping away.

I looked around my massive pent house. Everything about it screamed "I'm rich but my personality is vague and I'm a narcissist." I hated it. But it was also so true about me . From the three thousand dollar rug that sat under my all gold coffee table to that pointless statue of myself that filled the space of a corner near my kitchen. No substance, just vibes.

I sat here in nothing but my boxers . With beads of sweat still trickling down my bare-pierced chest from my most recent session with my flavor for the night.My dark dreads sitting messily on top of my head , begging for a retwist. The smell of sex still filled the air , reminding me that I still had company.

I felt hopeless. Even with all the money to buy the life some bitches couldn't even dream of. I had no friends and I hated my family. Okay I'm being dramatic, I did have ONE friend. Casey. We practically grew up together so I considered her more of a sister than anything . Outside of her, when I was not working, I spent most of my free time hooking up with bitches who meant nothing to me . Women who thought because they threw me a little coochie , I had to buy them a Birkin bag. I wasn't buying no birkin bag for just any hoe but I was funding vacations for her and her friends, and occasional shopping sprees . What? What else I'm suppose to do with all this money?

Rage filled my body as my mind turned on my ex , Dianne. The most beautiful women to ruin my life. 5'2 , petite with a nice ass and flat tummy, golden brown skin, hazel eyes , plump lips and a head full of natural curly hair.  I had been with Dianne for six years. She made me hang my pimp cane up very early, and for her, I was very eager to.

I guess being with me got too intense for her. "Kapri you're a sick ass bitch who needs therapy and I hope you burn In hell." Was the last words she said to me as she threw all my stuff out MY house after catching me in bed with her  sister , Mya.

In my defense , it was the drugs . It was a night of coke and pills I didn't even no the names of. Mya has always had a lil crush on me and I've always found it to be "cute". Never in a million years would I think I'll sleep with Dianne's sister but it happened. And with that, I lost the only thing that truly made me happy.

I chugged the now empty glass that was in my hand across the room. It shattered as soon as it hit the wall causing my company to come running out the room still naked. I rolled my eyes as I notice how much her features mimicked dianne's.

"What the fuck Kapri!" Her squeaky little voice made my skin crawl. I eyed her down , remembering why I chose to indulge in her again even with our circumstances.

"Clean it up." I sat up on the couch with a sly smirk on my face but I wasn't playing at all.

She frowned before crossing her arms,"now why the fuck would I do that. You threw it , not -

"I SAID CLEAN IT UP!" I yelled as I rushed over to her causing her back to hit the wall behind her. My 5'11 frame hovering over her thick-petite body . I wanted to pick her up by her neck and fuck her just like that. But she wasn't like that, I'll probably be in jail by the end of the night fucking with her . My Dianne would never though.

I turned my back to her looking for my phone frantically. My heart almost busted out of my chest when I spotted my phone thrown somewhere randomly on the floor.

I immediately ran over to the phone, dropping to my knees , I picked it up dialing Dianne's number for the 100th time today. I could here my company's rapid footsteps from behind me as she left the room.

I was only left with sadness once again as I heard Dianne's voicemail," Dianne please baby call me." I cried pathetically into the phone," I never meant to hurt you Dianne please I can't live without you . Please baby." I cried harder before hanging up the phone with none of my pride left.

"You know she's never going to take you back?" I looked up to see my little fling , now fully dressed with her cheap heels dangling in her hand. Her hair was a mess and her makeup had been ruined from the amount of dick I stuffed in her mouth earlier. I fucked the shit out of her. And not even in a good way. I'm not even sure she came , let along enjoyed it. I'm not sure if she really even cares. She was just like these other women. She seen me , and seen an opportunity.

"Just leave." I said lowly.

"Listen Kapri-

"JUST LEAVE MYA DAMN!" I shouted as I threw a nearby object. She went scurrying out the house leaving me and my problems alone to fight. I was pathetic. Still sleeping with the love of my life sister because I knew that's the only way I'll ever be close to Dianne again. I gave up a lot for Dianne and would've did anything for her. Sad part about it,this isn't even me. I'm usually happy and grateful for life. Now I'm living in a ugly ass penthouse while my ex and her family lives in my mansion because "that's the least I can do.". I hated myself and everyday i was self-sabotaging. I was slipping through life many cracks and being swallowed whole. I was losing. And that was destroying me. I've never lost anything.