L's L.

Deja vu

Another day was dawning, but my lack of sleep left fatigue to overcome my weak body. I took a deep breath and crept out of the room. Near's fake 'snoring' obnoxiously annoying. Not many of us slept properly. It seemed customary for some of us to pretend. Like this was all just a show. Someone tell me when the director wants me off. I headed for the main office as I would do every now and then. I'd peak into the consistently lit room, and check for Watari. But he was never there anymore. He'd left many years back with L. But it felt normal to check for his return. I wish my script had more drama. I wiped at my face, thanking myself that I had yet to add makeup. I headed for the kitchen and opened one of the fridges. A lone cake sat on a shelf. I smiled greedily, and cautiously pulled it out. I checked for any witnesses and nabbed a spoon before taking a seat in the diner. I crossed my legs and watched the colours of dawn break across the sky. It was peaceful on a morning. Not like during the day, when the children would gossip and clatter around.

I awkwardly ate the cake, aware that my 'diet' was once again out the window. No matter how many times I tried, aware of my weight, I couldn't resist food. I was lucky to be active enough to keep most of it off, and to think I thought a lot. I chuckled. What a ridiculous idea.  

"To think that using your brain could burn calories." I smiled at my empty plate. "You keep telling yourself that L." I pushed the plate away and sighed once again.

"Why are you always awake." I didn't even have to turn to know BB was stood behind me, mimicking L as usual.

"I could say the same for you." I could almost feel a hint of a smile. He silently crouched on the chair opposite me. His eyes burning red. I set myself on high alert. His face somber.

"I've done a terrible thing. No... A beautiful thing!" He bite his thumb as a wicked smile spread across his face.

Oh no.

My eyes widened, he'd broken the streak. Everything I'd worked hard on. My anger boiling. I clenched my fists and slammed down on the table.

"How could you!? How could you break everything we'd achieved?" He stood beside me. The old B returning. The murderous amazement that could out wit perhaps even L himself.

"Huh. Don't speak of yourself so highly. It was stupid and callous. Your simple ideas of 'helping' me." He laughed. One of his slim cold fingers stroked my face. "Don't worry my angel. It was fun." I couldn't control myself, I lashed out, but he caught me, pinned me to the floor with the utmost ease.

"B!" I cried out. Aware many of Wammy's would soon be filing in. A mischievous smile on his lips.

"I wonder... Would you scream like she did?" Disgust fell upon my face.

"Your a monster! A sick monster, you don't deserve friends! You don't deserve anything! To think I trusted you! I hate you!" He looked a little taken back, but he soon resumed.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Urgh!  

He jumped back and pulled a large shining knife from behind his back. It was stain slightly with blood. He tapped it to his chin. "Don't forget me angel. Ill come back for you soon." I fell to my knees as he escaped into the morning light. It was all starting again. I felt a sense of deja vu as the rest of Wammy's awoke oblivious.

_________________________

Murders. Another two reported just that morning. I shied away from the screen after only glancing at the bloodstained bodies of two unfortunate girls. I could tell instantly by the marks, marks only I could recognise as BB's, on their bodies. I refused to eat my cereal, and waited for Near to finish not eating. He stood and held his hand out to mine as we would usually. I took it, trying to control how shaky I was.

Near tugged me along, a slight smile on his lips. He was oddly cheery. I hated being the one to ruin happy moods. I tried to smile, though it took me everything. I'd let a murderer escape and begin killing once again. A shiver crawled across my skin as I felt his cold dead eyes bore into me. Near was staring at me. I was staring into space. My lip quivered as I tried to control my emotions. Like Near, like L. But to think I'd failed him, failed Watari, failed my only purpose in life was cutting me deeper than BB ever could. Gruesome thoughts of B ripping my skin apart made me cringe.

"Leoni. What's wrong?" Near caught my face, his other hand twirling his hair. I looked deep into his eyes. Their dark pools of black and grey made me think he was standing here in front of me once again. I cupped his face automatically. "Uh, Leoni, what are you-" Near stuttered and I came back to reality.

"Forgive me." I simply said, dropping his hand, and running for the open window. I caught the sill and slipped out into the cold air. I gripped the tree branch that sat directly beneath and swung to the floor. I decided to catch my breath, before running for the farthest look out point I knew. A crooked tree, the largest on the plot. I climbed it effortlessly and sat in the trees upper branches. Watching the world buzz around me. I wanted to cry, my heart begged me to release my pain. But my brain told me it was stupid and should stop. So I held it in. L wouldn't cry. Near wouldn't cry. Mello... Maybe. No, he wouldn't cry! I would, because I'm a girl? No, because I can't control my emotions. I closed my eyes. Begging someone, anyone for some sleep.

It must've worked as when I came too, I was hanging upside down out of the tree. I panicked and nearly fell. A distorted image of Mello stood beneath me. Huh? He snapped a bite out of his chocolate bar.

"What are you doing?" He asked sarcastically, as if I was mental. Well, maybe I was...

"Oh, y'know, hanging." I tried to swing back onto the branch but failed and ended up falling. I landed on something squishy. I suspected it to be Mello. In fact 99.9% of me was certain. And I was.

"Ow! Get. Off. Of. Me!" He managed to choke out under my weight. I shuffled off and looked sorry.

"Sorry M." He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Where's BB?" I gasped. My head slumped and my shoulders tried to hide my guilty body.

"How should, I... Know?" I wished I was more convincing. Mello just sighed and bit his bar again.

"Huh." He came to his feet, not offering the lady no help, and headed back towards the orphanage.

"Pfft." I managed to balance myself and dusted my butt off. The darkness seemed to swamp around me, and the light bushes had become thorny little shops if horror. I imagined those red eyes staring at me. I wanted to see him. My BB, not the murderer, but the one that I could trust anything with. In a way, the sober B. I stumbled back, not wanting to take my eyes off of the shadows. I ran like a school child for the light.

Once inside I slammed the door behind me and felt my knees buckle from underneath me. I slumped to the floor. My breathing calming. A shadow appeared on the floor before me. Near. Oh god, how do I explain myself now?

"I forgive you."

"Huh?" He kept a straight face.

"You asked for forgiveness before making a rather abrupt exit." He knelt before me and twirled my hair. A smile creeping onto his small face. "Come, you need to eat." He was right. My belly was about to explode.