For Amara (War Over Mobius Saga: Ruby Route #2)

Infinite's Grudge Match

"Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything." C.S. Lewis

Infinite sat silently in his bed, staring at the ground beneath him. The first attack against those who took his loved ones was today. He wondered if this was good, if he should continue on with the onslaught planned in grief. He wondered if he should just go home, to pick up the broken pieces of his life with his should-be father-in-law and live out the rest of his likely short life with those that still remained... maybe he could fight Axel for Lilliya, so he could still have a friend that provided female presence... but it could never be more than her feminine presence. He was Amara's. Lilliya knew that.

But if he went home... the murder of his friends and fiancée would be forgotten and G.U.N. would get away with the persecution of his people that had endured for thousands of years. If he went home... he just couldn't think he could ever shake the feeling that he betrayed the love of his life. Suddenly, he wished he was a careless Mobian pup, curled up in the arms of his parents, blind to the world and its problems. He missed his mother with a passion, but he no longer had the ability to recognize her, even if he went off to find her.

Everyone he knew was either gone or out of reach.

He threw himself backwards until his back hit against the mattress, wringing his hands as he stared at the white ceiling and sighed. He was no longer a little pup, and he'd never be a naive Mobian. He was a grown man, a Bloodpooliean jackal. There was no more childish running, and he was genetically incapable of turning his head and pretending these horrors never occurred.

But... something inside him screamed out. Would attacking G.U.N. full-force erase or justify the murders of his Squad and father? Would something that seems so wrong become right as the Bloodpoolieans finally fought their oppressors? Could he just sit and do nothing? Could he?

He needed the opinion of the others, this he knew more than anything. Perhaps, on some half-conscious notion, Infinite turned his head to the right, looking for his beloved; forgetting she was gone. A small panic arose in him, as his painful desire hinged him. He'd expected to see Amara's soft, loving gaze, but there was nothing but air in the place he thought she was. "Amara?" He sat up and looked around. "Amara?!"

His realization set in, as well as embarrassment. She wasn't there, no one was. He looked over at a table, where several weapons, inspired by his past in Bloodpool. He looked at a knife that had been placed on the table. He wondered if he had been given several knives over other weapons because of his relationship with Amara. For an instant, he wondered if the Doctor was making fun of him. He picked one up and mentally compared it to Amara's favorite blade. It was eerily similar in style, even though it obviously wasn't hers. He grimaced in sorrow before testing the blade's tip on his palm. Although blood began to seep slowly onto the blade's edge, Infinite did not pull it back. He felt a void inside him as he looked at his blood spilling onto a blade similar to his bride's. He realized it would be so easy, one quick upward swipe of the blade in his paws and he would be back with Amara and their children, Genesis and Gabriel. He could see his dad again too.

But... if he ended himself, then who would stand up for the Bloodpooliean people?

The ones who were counting on him to avenge their Queen, Court and freedom?

"Infinite!" He heard the Doctor yell through his headset, snapping him from his thoughts. "Why aren't you ready?!"

"I dunno, maybe because I'm not a mind reader?" Infinite grumbled to himself before activating his headpiece. "I'm on my way."

He sighed once more, then dropped the knife, haphazardly and blade down. He knew Amara would be displeased at his doing so, even though she tended to do the same. Even though she was no longer here to get onto him, Infinite bent down, picked up the blade, and gently placed it back where he found it.