LUVIE [fin. / unedited]

f o u r

l u v i e

I'm sitting on a lawn chair gossiping about everything with Georgie and Amelia when I see Eric coming towards me with Keith not far behind. I see the anger in Keith's and Eric's eyes. They quickly blink it away. I mess with my black wavy hair, hoping the girls don't notice how nervous I am. Eric earlier said that he was going to give us some girl time. I happily applied, I think I need some to be honest. I've only had Eric, and he may be gay but he's not a girl. I check the time at eight o'clock.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, I smile and answer it. "Mommy!" Two little voices answer. I look at them, "No, I want it!" Alek says, "No I want it!" Allen says back. "Err...give it back!" Alek says I hear the pout in his voice. I can see his little arms being crossed. "Alek. Allen. Share, sharing is caring." I give them a stern look. They giggle. I look at the girls, "I'll be right back." They both smile at me, I get up and walk away heading to the kitchen before I hear a voice.

"Rose, what do you want?" He asked

"You don't know me enough to answer that," Rosalina, my ex-best-friend, replies. "Mommy?" Alek responds. I look down at them and smile. "Hey, lovelies. Mommy has to go. Can you be good for Grandma?" I ask them not yet hanging up. "Did you hear that?" I hear him ask from inside the kitchen, I was standing outside hoping that they'd ignore me.

"What do you mean? Are you really talking about that whore again? Seriously? She's not coming back! She'll have to live with her decision forever." Talking about my "abortion", "No one would come back to this town willingly." She says, "You right, she never meant anything to me anyway. She was just having a fun time." William said nonchalantly. I was boiling inside. I felt a tear go down my cheek. "Mommy, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I didn't realize Alek was asking me those questions until he yelled my name. "Mommy!"

"Yes, baby?" I say walking away from the kitchen going through the front door. "Who were those people talking? What's a whore?" I hear Allen asked cautiously. Leave it up to him to find a not four-year-old-word to say. I lightly smile, a small laugh escaping my lips. "Nothing you'll need to worry about." He pouts a little bit then smiles. I continue walking texting Eric telling him I'm leaving. I didn't need them anyway. I smile as I turn back to the boys.

When I get home my mom greets me at the door, and with her mom-senses, she quickly develops my mood and moves aside. She gives me a concerned look, seeing my dried-tear streaked face. "What happened?" She asked. "William," I say bluntly. "What was he doing back?" She said dryly.

"Who the hell knows," I say, throwing my hands up in the air.

"I never liked the boy."

"You've never met the boy," I remind her clips. "But any boy who tells his pregnant...whatever to get an abortion is not a likable guy." My mom says firmly. I shake my head laughing lightly, I see a light mass of curly light brown hair sleeping. My mind slips back to that night, remembering every thought, every feeling, every touch, and every lie:

After I put on my underwear and his black shirt. I crawl back into bed. Gently resting my head on his chest, extra careful not to wake him. My head mind races through all the reasons we could never be. All my hopes, wishes and dreams disappear before my eyes. I take a deep breath lifting my head up to quietly gaze at his face.

I get this sharp ting of despair and hopelessness. I feel a small tear go down my cheek. I silently admire his soft, peaceful features, and how they look warmer than his constant ones. This boy makes me feel so many different things. If only we could work...this boy makes me happy. So, so happy. He satisfies my needs and me in so many different ways. In ways, others haven't.

I take a long, deep breath. We can make this happen. He loves me, very, very much. I see that. I think to myself. I think of my best friend, what would she feel? Betrayed? Upset? Anger, even? I continue to think. I snuggle closer to him, breathing in his soft loving scent. Trying to think of a silver lining in all this. I slowly drift off to sleep. Thinking; Does the good truly out-weigh all the bad?

I take a deep breath after that memory. I continue to look at Alek, curled up on the couch, I slowly pick him up moving him to my bed, and doing likewise with Allen. I sigh looking at the boys, "Everything will be okay. Everything is going to be okay," I slowly chant to myself as I lay down in between the boys I run my thoughts on everything. Replying to everything from the night, making sure not to accidentally spill my secret, but my subconscious nipping at me asking; Did you tell? Does he know? Is he with Rose?