𝚂𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎 - (𝙹𝚎𝚏𝚏𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚜)

Chapter 10

Last night was a mess. Lafayette friend zoned Hercules and Eliza revealed she's pregnant again. She's already 6 months pregnant too. Like she needs another kid. She got pregnant right after she had a kid. Me and Thomas fucked again though. It was amazing. I love him.

Alexander wants me to do something for him. "Put on this wig." He already made me dress up in a maid outfit. "What the fuck are you doing?" "I'm gonna prank Eliza by fake cheating." "What does this have to do with the maid outfit?" "Eliza always wears the maid outfit." Why did I agree to this? "So what do I now?" "Just lay in the bed. She'll be back soon."

I just lay next to him. This was a terrible idea. The door opens after about 30 minutes. "Alexander, who the fuck is that?" I guess she's back. "She's just a friend!" "Then why is she wearing the maid outfit? That's mine!" "Whatever, bitch. You cheat on me all the time!" "Okay? Your point?" "This isn't even a real girl! It's James! It was a prank you stupid ass bitch!" "Oh, no wonder she's so ugly! Well, are you ready to go play "guess the baby daddy"?" "Yeah, let's go."

I change out of the maid outfit, and take my payment. This was a terrible idea. "Hey Thomas." "Hey Jemmy! Where were you?" "I agreed to help Alexander with some stupid shit." "Oh, okay. We're doing the gender reveal too."

"We're going to play "guess the baby daddy"! There are 11 possible options but I don't know which one it is! The goal is to guess who the options are!" Eleven? This girl cheated on him with eleven guys! "Who'd like to go first? Thomas! Who do you think it is?" "Hmmm, well, it's not Alex." We all knew that. "Oh, oh! Is that random guy at Walmart that you don't even know his name?" "Yeah, that's possible! Ten more to go!"

"Angelica, would you like to guess?" "Um, sure, is it that homeless guy outside of Sheetz? What was his name, James, I think?" "No, it's not him!"

"Peggy, who do you think?" "I think it's the guy from the airport that kept hitting on me, Jones Jones Jones?" "Yep, there's another!"

"Alexander, who do you think?" "Well, it's not me. Is it that guy in our first block, Leslie?" "Yes! There's another!" Alexander is such an idiot.

"Philip, why don't you guess?" "A- Ayex!" "Aww, Philip said his first word!" Alex said. "Alex isn't even your dad, you little shithead! Why would he be your sibling's dad? Also, your first word wasn't "mommy", but Alex?" "I think she's losing it." "Jemmy, she lost it a long time ago. She's insane." Thomas says to me.

"The reason I never let Alex see your birth certificate is because Angelica was a fucking idiot, and wrote Philip Laurens on it! Yeah, fuck you Angelica! Aaron, it's your turn to guess."

"The subway manager?" "Yes, there's another! James?"

"Is it John again?" "Not this time! Lafayette?" "Is it that guy with the curly hair from the orgy you recorded and sent to everyone?" "Yes! 6 more to go! Hercules? What do you think?"

"That guy who called you broke after your card declined at Jimmy Johns?" "Yeah! 5 more!"

"Is it the guy who mugged you and Angelica at Jersey Mike's?" John said. "Yeah, 4 more!"

"Is it the guy in the Billie Eilish hoodie from Firehouse Subs?" Maria guessed. "Fuck you, but yeah. 3 more to go!"

"Is it the ugly kid who sells weed at parties?" "King" George guesses. Why was he even invited? "Yes, but get the fuck out. You weren't invited. 2 more!" So he wasn't invited.

"I'm gonna guess it was Brian, the guy from Kohl's who called Philip ugly?" Samuel guesses. "He was right, but you aren't."

"Is it the ugly kid in our first block?" Charles guesses. "No, it's not you!" That little bitch leaves in tears.

"Mom, how about you?" I forgot her mom was here. "The real estate guy?" "Yes, but I don't remember the last one! So gender reveal time!"

"Now, I put some kind of chemical in this fish bowl. If the fish turns pink and dies it's a girl. If the fish turns blue and dies, it's a boy. It dies either way." "3,2,1!" She dumps the chemical in the bowl. The fish turns pink and goes belly up. "It's a girl!"

"In July, we will welcome Angela Angelica, whatever last name the baby daddy has! Angela is named after my hamster that I microwaved when I was 10! Thank you all for coming! Let's have some food."

Angelica is holding Philip. "Yeah, I purposely put Philip Laurens on the birth certificate when I saw Philip looked exactly like John. I had to. Also Eliza pissed me off earlier that day. I didn't plan to get her back like that, but Philip just happened to be born that day. I didn't actually have any plans for revenge." What is up with this family?

"Who names a hamster Angela?" Hercules says. "She literally microwaved the hamster, why are you worried about the name?" Angelica says. "I have no idea why she's using my name as the baby's middle name. She doesn't even like me. She also knew I put Philip Laurens on the birth certificate. Also, Alexander is still with her, even though he wasn't even a possible baby daddy."

"She doesn't even know most of the guy's names!" Thomas says. "Alexander is such a dumbass. I'm not even lying. Why does he stay with her, yet get on Peggy for being a doormat?"

"He's not wrong about Peggy, but he's still a hypocrite." Angelica says. "Even Eliza can do better." I doubt it. "I think it's the best both of them could do. Why else do you think they're still together." I say. "That makes sense. I'm her sister, and I genuinely don't understand how anybody would date her." Angelica laughs.

"Have I told you guys I'm vegan?" Where the fuck did she come from? Hope she didn't hear us talking shit. "Eliza, you've told everyone no less than 14 times." Angelica says. "And? Did someone flush that goldfish yet?" "I told Peggy to do it." "Does Peggy know I'm vegan yet?" "Shut the fuck up about being vegan!" Eliza bitch slaps Angelica, and they start fighting. Eliza's mom took Philip, but didn't bother to break up the fight.

Peggy comes back. "Ooh! A fight! Eliza got suspended once for rubbing shit on the walls of the school bathrooms." "What the fuck, Peggy?" Thomas says. "It's true."

Alex, John, Laf, and Herc, are all recording. They're really going at it. Maria tries to break them up, and Eliza punches her in the titty. "You bitch!" Maria joins them. Aaron comes over to where we're standing. "Who do you think is gonna win?" "Probably Eliza."

Angelica picks up Eliza her hair, and starts spinning her around. Maria just leaves. Angelica drops Eliza and they both get up and walk away. "Angelica is such a bitch. I think I'm gonna use Markellyus" "Who the fuck is Markellyus?" I ask. "The goldfish that just died."

"Who names a goldfish Markellyus?" Aaron says, dumbfounded. "Why do you care about the name, considering what happened to it?" Thomas facepalms. "It would've lived for like 3 days tops anyway. It could've lived with a better name. MaRkElLyUs!"

Classes are canceled for the entire week, since we're going to Spain on Friday. My grandma wanted me to come home for some reason. Aaron and Thomas decide to come with me. "Hey grandma!" "Who are they?" "That's Aaron and Thomas." "Are those your friends?" "Yeah, my friends." Thomas is not my friend, but she doesn't know that. "I need you to start packing." "What?" "We're moving to Wyoming. I got banned from Bingo because I assaulted Barb for cheating. We leave in 3 weeks."