i am not elena gilbert

chapter 3

TW: mention of rape in this chapter

//

I woke up back in Elena's bed. I opened by eyes and saw Stefan sitting at the end of the bed, looking at me. He looked very relieved when I smiled and said "hey."

"Elena, hey." He said softly.

"What happened?" I said, sitting up.

"Damon, he uh-"

Then I remembered. I softly touched my neck with my hand. There wasn't anything there nor did it hurt. I looked at Stefan.

"I fed you my blood, so you're all healed." He looked really guilty for what his brother did.

I fumbled with my hands. "Why did he-" I sighed. "Do that."

"It's Katherine, it must be. He's not in his right mind with her around. I'm really sorry Elena, I wish I could've stopped him.

I laid back down in bed, my head was aching. "It's not your fault. How long was I asleep?" I noticed the daylight shining into the room.

"Just one night. 14 hours, maybe. it's 8am."

After that we had a few seconds of silence before Jenna came in. "Elena! You're alive!" she chuckled. I looked at Stefan nervously, wondering what he told her.

"I told Jenna about you throwing up." He said, nodding.

"Oh, okay. Hey Jenna. How are you and Jeremy?" Damon was supposed to have killed Jeremy last night.

"We're fine, we haven't done much today. I'll let you rest." she smiled at me and walked away, leaving me and Stefan.

"Are you feeling well enough to visit Caroline in the hospital?" he asked.

I gasped. Caroline! Katherine was supposed to turn into a vampire last night. "Is she okay? When did you last see her?"

"Earlier this morning, she's feeling way better. You don't need to worry about her."

I realised I need to stop expecting things to go the way they did in the show. The butterfly effect would cause almost nothing to be the same from now on.

"Oh, okay that's good. I might just stay home for now, my head hurts."

"Okay." Stefan said, and stood up. He reluctantly walked away but stopped at the door and looked at me. "Elena."

"Yeah?"

"You've seemed different recently."

Great. I'd been here 2 days and I was beginning to be suspected. I swallowed. I wanted to tell him the whole truth. Part of me thought he might understand, and help me. But I knew he'd put Elena first before anything. "Have I?"

"I can't pretend I haven't noticed. Everyone's noticed. Did something happen? Something that you can't tell me?"

He looked like he was trying to hide that he was hurt. I noticed how selfless he really was, he didn't make the situation about him even though he was clearly upset. I couldn't say the same about Damon. I just didn't say anything.

After about 10 seconds, Stefan took a heavy breath. "Call me if you need me."

He turned around and started walking down the stairs. My eyes started welling up and blurring. God, I was worse than Elena. I started weeping. I tried to be as quiet as I could but I knew Stefan heard because he paused around the middle of the stairs. Luckily he kept going down and he left the house.

-

A few hours later I was in the kitchen making a late lunch with Jenna. I was chopping vegetables preparing a fruit salad, and I could see Jenna look up at me every now and then in my peripheral vision.

"You know you can talk to me about anything, Elena." she said without looking up from the bench. I really liked hanging out with Jenna. I felt like I could be myself around her, I didn't have to try act like Elena as much. She definitely knew something was up but she didn't question it - until now. Maybe Stefan had asked her to talk to me.

"I know that" I looked at her and smiled.

"So why don't you tell me anything anymore. It's like you're a whole new person these past few days. You need to talk to someone."

"I'm fine Jenna." I said quickly. My evil vampire twin would've been a great excuse but Jenna didn't know about vampires yet and I definitely did not want to be the one to tell her.

"You're clearly not-"

I slammed my knife down on the bench. "Fucking hell, Jenna! Do I have to be interrogated for being a little bit sad? Do I have to tell you everything? Do you really want to hear about how trapped I feel, about how horrible I feel for something that is entirely my fault but I can't do anything about? And that I can't tell anyone about?"

I snapped. Jenna was at a loss for words and had tears in her eyes.

I heard a knocking at the door. Great timing. I really couldn't be fucked with anyone right now but I needed to get away from this conversation.

"I'll get it" I said with a sarcastic smile and walked over to the door.

I opened the door and my anger quickly refuelled. It was Damon.

"I don't want to talk to you right now Damon" I said harshly. I tried to close the door but Damon caught it, and I stepped back in fear.

"Elena, I came to apologise." He couldn't even look me in the eye.

"Sure you did."

"I- Elena-"

"We were friends, Damon." I said. I was still speaking with anger but I could feel the tears coming. "Friends. There's no excuse. And there's no way in hell I'm ever going to believe you're sorry." I hated that I actually felt hurt, that I wasn't just pretending. And I wasn't mad because he did it to Elena, he did it to me.

Damon's eyes met mine. He looked hurt. Maybe he didn't know I considered him a friend. Did Elena consider him a friend? I didn't know. What I did know was that it was over. "Elena, please."

"What are you going to say, Damon. You got angry? You had a bit too much to drink? You wanted to make Stefan mad? I don't care, I don't want to talk to you." And with that I successfully slammed the door in his face. I stood there for a bit thinking about what I just did, but I felt good about it.

I turned around and saw Jenna, and I realised how confused she must be trying to put the pieces together. She probably thought Damon did something horrible to me. Oh god, she probably thought he raped me or something. I also knew she was probably going to tell Stefan about everything that just happened. I wasn't sure if he'd think my secret is just Damon biting me, or if he'd know that wasn't it because that's not really a secret. I wondered what he'd think about Damon and I's fight. I took a deep breath and chose to just go to my room, leaving Jenna in the kitchen.

//

okay in the next chapter i promise elena will actually get outside and do things aha <3 enjoyyy!!