i am not elena gilbert

chapter 4

I spent a few hours sulking in my room. Jeremy was all cooped up in his room too, nothing unusual. But Jenna didn't once try to talk to me. I decided I couldn't stay in this miserable house any longer and I knew there was supposed to be a carnival tonight. In the show, it's all about finding newbie vampire Caroline and helping her, but right now Caroline was still a human, still in the hospital. I texted Bonnie telling her to meet me at the grill, and she left an excited text back saying she'd be there. I gathered Elena's things and I left the house, ignoring Jenna yelling at me to come back.

-

I arrived at the grill and walked inside. It felt so cozy in there, and I felt safe. It wasn't too busy so immediately I saw Bonnie. I was so nervous to meet her because every new person added to the list of people I had to pretend to be Elena around. I tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned her head to look at me. Bonnie was gorgeous. A smile spread across her face and she quickly stood up and pulled me into a hug.

"Elena we've been so worried about you! How are you?" We? Who's we? Probably Matt, Caroline Tyler etc.

I chuckled and pulled out of the hug. "I've been better, but I'll be okay." I said smiling. Bonnie frowned. I've learned from my mistakes - I didn't want to deal with another person asking me what secrets I'm keeping from them. "How have you been?"

"Good, good."

We sat walked out of the grill together to go to the carnival. "Have you talked to Stefan recently?" I asked her.

"No, why?"

"No reason." We walked in silence. It was easier than acting like Elena. Bonnie's phone started ringing.

"It's Stefan." she said.

"Oh, Bonnie don't-" but before I could tell her to not answer the phone she had it to her ear.

"Hey Stefan." I couldn't hear what Stefan was saying, but luckily Bonnie repeated him for me. "Do I know where Elena is?" she said, looking at me confused. I widened my eyes and shook my head slowly, maintaining eye contact. I knew she was a good friend to Elena in the show. I just really needed her to be an amazing friend right now.

"No, I don't sorry. Is everything okay?" Thank god. "Okay, bye Stefan" and she clicked her phone off. "Uh, care to explain Elena?"

We continued walking as I made up a story of how we were fighting over Katherine. It was stupid but I was pretty sure she believed it.

"But he sounded really worried, out of breath almost." she said. I was almost sure that he'd talked to Jenna. And yet he was doing the exact thing I yelled at Jenna for. Caring about me. I never thought I'd complain about someone caring about me too much. But it made it much harder for me to keep my secret.

"Poor thing can't survive without his precious Elena." I blurted out. Shit lol. I thought for sure it was over, my cover was blown and it was time for death. Bonnie looked up at me.

"Have you been drinking?"

"Just an existential crisis. Although I wouldn't mind drinks." We both laughed, and we'd reached the carnival.

-

Elena was so popular. So many people stopped me to talk to me and ask about people or things I didn't know anything about, that I lost Bonnie. So I was left walking around the carnival all alone. Thankfully, I found Bonnie again who had a water bottle in her hand.

"Happy juice" she said cheerfully handing me the bottle.

"How did you get this?" I laughed.

"No questions, just drink."

I grabbed the bottle and unscrewed the lid. "Cheers to that." I took a small sip. It was vodka. I didn't realise how much I missed vodka until that one sip. I began chugging and when I paused to take a breath half the bottle was empty.

Bonnie yanked it from my hands and laughed, "holy shit Elena you are going to get so fucked"

I smiled. "Let's go have some fun."

Bonnie and I were at the top of the ferris wheel when the alcohol started to hit.