He does not know how much I love him

Steve

Steve had a problem. A big one.
He loved Anthony Edward Stark.

More than a year ago, the invasion happened. Steve had just woken up from the ice, from a different time, and was thrown in a group of superheroes.
He met the son of Howard, they didn't get along.
He seemed arrogant, vain, self-centered... And just... He was just so... Handsome.
Oh yes. There was that. Steve always had these stupid feelings, first Bucky, now Tony. No, not Tony, Mister Stark. He had to keep his distance. He didn't want his stupid, disgusting, revolting brain to screw things up between them by developing feelings.
But that was in the beginning. By now, the entire team had moved into Stark tower, and they were quite close.

They had won many battles together, some easier than others. They had spent hours by each other's bedside after an injury, and days huddled on the couch to watch movies.
Steve had learned that being gay isn't bad. It doesn't make you a horrible person. It's not disgusting. It's not illegal anymore in most places.

Steve his brain was not wrong. He was not sick.
It was rather liberating.
So soon he became very close friends with Tony. He would be content to just sit in a corner of the workshop and draw as the other man worked his magic. Steve would bring him lunch and urged him to eat. He gently placed a blanket over him when he fell asleep on the couch. And Tony taught him how to use modern day equipment. The engineer designed him a phone, especially made to fit with Steve and he was so grateful he baked a cake in return.

But none of that helped his problem. Because Tony was perfect. He may seem harsh on the outside, but it was all fake, a mask. He was kind, and caring. He always made sure everybody got what they needed and much more. He pushed his own needs aside for that of others.

He was funny and handsome.

Rich and good in bed.

All the reasons the entire planet wanted to be with him. Even if it was just for one night.

Steve didn't want just a night. But he knew times had changed a lot. And it was normal to have just a one time thing and move on.

It's all Tony did before and after his short relationship with Pepper.

So if that's all Tony would offer, it would be enough for Steve.

One night Tony was home, and on the edge of drunk. And Steve took his chance. Despite what many thought, he was not some blushing little virgin. He had been in the army dammit. So he flirted with Tony, and eventually they ended up in bed together.

It was amazing. Steve had loved it. And he felt guilty.

Being so close to the man he loved, for a little while he could pretend they were together.

So when Tony fell asleep not long after having sex, he stayed for just a moment. He could lay in the other's arms, close his eyes, and imagine always sleeping like this.
But after a while he had to face the truth. Tony would never want this. Steve was clingy and wanted a committed relationship, while Tony would never want that. Especially not from him.
He was just a punk ass kid from Brooklyn who had slept with his best friend who was drunk. He was a terrible person. And that's when, after a few more moments of a bittersweet illusion, he left.

He carefully crawled out from underneath the blankets and gathered his clothes. He stopped in the door opening to throw the other man a last glance before leaving. He crawled into his own bed. And he didn't let the tears fall until his head was buried in his cold pillow. It was just a one time thing.
Tony would move on to the next, pushing this away as just another fun night. If he even remembered. And then it happened again.
The battle was horrible. It lasted for hours. They were exhausted. Both had had too many close misses to be healthy.
Pumped full of adrenaline they fell into bed together again. And again, Steve slipped out. That way he didn't have to bother Tony into sending him away.
He crawled into his own cold bed again. Alone. It became a thing.
After battles where one or the other had almost died, they would end up in bed together. Or a closet, or an empty conference room.
And afterwards, they would both pretend nothing happened and they were just friends. Steve was unhappy. And it made him feel selfish.
He had amazing friends, the most wonderful best friend ever, and said friend didn't mind sharing his bed multiple times with him. He should stop whining.
But he just felt so lonely. So cold. He wanted to have somebody to hold throughout the night. Someone to go on a date with, and buy roses. Someone to have a sleepy morning after breakfast with, and lazy kisses while watching a movie.
Tony didn't want that. Steve was sure about it. Else he would have asked already, the man could get anything he wanted. He only had to suggest it.
Long story short, Steve got his act together and pretended to be happy. He shouldn't ask for more. And it was all fine, Tony looked happy, and that's what was most important. Everything was /fine/... Until the Punching Bag Accident.
Tony had almost died in front of Steve, he barely managed to push the other man aside. It scared him so much, the night that followed was filled with more emotion than ever before. From Steve's side of course.
It took him so much effort to leave, the sun was almost rising by the time he sneaked out. He felt terrible. So he snuk down to the gym to punch some bags, trying to relief some tension. It didn't work.
He got a picture of Tony out of his pocket. He always carried one around. He was pathetic like that. He sat on the floor with a bag besides him and before he knew it, he had stuck the picture to it and was holding it close.
It was sad. And he felt so embarrassed. But he could imagine he was holding Tony.
He heard a ripping sound and saw the sand pour from the bag. Damn. Sometimes he really hated his strength.
He heard someone walk down the stairs and paled, he quickly grabbed his stuff and ran out the other door. It wasn't until he was standing under a nice hot shower that he froze. The picture was still attached to the bag.