Troo Tales #1

Handle and Regretell

        Once upon a time, in a forest that was right next to the city of Los Angeles, there lived a man with a crappy wife and two kids that she named Handle for no apparent reason and Regretell because she regretted having her. Obe day, she found that her kids had broken into her secret stash of Rice Treats, and screamed, "NOBODY TOUCHES MAH RICE TREATS!!!" And decided to leave them out in the woods because they played too many video games anyways and needed to experience the great outdoors. 

        The night before she took them out into the middle of the woods, Handle snuck into his mother's savings jar and pulled out twenty bucks. The next day, when they were led out into the middle of nowhere in the woods, Handle and Regretell walked to the interstate highway that just happened to be right where they were left and bribed someone to take them home with the $20.

        When they arrived home and the mom found out they stole $20 from her, she made them some bread with her bad cooking skills and locked the children in their rooms so they couldn't steal any more of her money or precious Rice Treats. She was going to lead the children back out into a different section of the woods the next day. That night, Handle devised a plan to break the pieces of the bread and follow the crumbs home. They next day, as they were being led out, Handle carried out the plan and dropped some of the poorly made bread onto the ground for a trail. The birds all swooped down to eat the crumbs, and when they did, the mother's cooking was so horrible that they all had explosive diarrhea instantly, and the kids just followed the crap trail home. Their mom was so tired of walking them out to the middle of nowhere that she finally just drove them out there using her convertible.

        Now the children were lost with no way of getting back home, so they went wandering through the forest until they came upon a beat up van that had the words "Free Candy" written on the back in spray paint. Now Handle and Regretell, being the smart, intelligent kids they are, knew that this was completely legitimate and went to go get the free candy. However, it turned out to be a blind old lady who reall shouldn't be drving a van in her condition. She ended up locking the kids in her van.

        After a long trip in the van that nearly caused several accidents, she took the kids to an abandoned Pizza Place, where she was going to give the kids a free sun tan in the pizza oven. Instead, since she was blind, she ended up just falling in the oven and the kids were stuck in the van until the police showed up ten days later to condemn the building. The kids were fine since she had the windows down.

        When the police returned the kids home, they found their dad, who was alone. When the police left, he told them that he had accidentally backed over their mom with the convertible and had hid her body underneath the floorboards of the house to avoid getting in trouble with the police.

                                             AND NOT ALL OF THEM LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!