Reopened Wounds (Rewritten Opposites Attract)

Part 13

Steve helps me to my feet, I was holding his gun to my chest, trying to find his scent on it. What's left of the Avengers leave Wakanda, I go with them, too distraught to stay in the place with so many memories of him. We land and Steve leads me inside, I was like a dead person walking, I didn't die physically from the snap but I did die mentally. We enter the building and sit down as Steve and Natasha pull up screens showing photos and numbers. A few days pass and I never moved from the chair I sat in the day we arrived. Ella has stayed to help in Wakanda and I heard her talking to Steve over a hologram a few times. 

She had told Steve to get me to eat, which never worked. A rumble filled the building and the others went out to see what happened, they returned with some new people and told them what happened here. Steve and Tony argue, I tune them out and walk to my room where the one things are bare furniture and Bucky's gun, sitting on my bed. I sit and hold the gun, it had lost his scent but it was the only thing left of him. Steve comes to find me and says they are going to find Thanos, I nod and he leaves. I wanted nothing to do with that monster after what he did to me, I spend the next few weeks isolated in my room, crying over him. I barred the door and ignored Steve's pleas for me to eat something.

Five whole years pass by and I barely recognize myself, my eyes dulled from gold to a brown, my hair was long and shaggy since I didn't bother taking care of myself like I used to, I used to pride myself in my appearance, but not anymore. My skin was death, nearly gray and dry, I was just a walking corpse now. I had lost my will to live a few months after the snap, Steve and Natasha had removed the locks in my room and set up cameras to keep an eye on me, and even put a collar on me to track my vitals and location so I didn't try something. I was sitting in the main room, listening to Natasha talk with some people about news, I hear Clint's name and flinch, thinking about where he is, Ella had left Wakanda after a month or two and went to find the Barton's. 

Clint disappeared, leaving an empty estate, his whole family had gone with the snap. Ella lives there, keeping it in good shape with her wife Tammy and their adopted daughter Faith. She felt bad leaving it to go to ruin and is helping with the search for Clint whenever she can. I hear Natasha crying and close my eyes and try to ignore it, she was desperate to find her partner, and hearing all the things he was doing killed her. Steve talks to her and then sits next to me on the sofa facing her, he gently pulls me to his side, I lean into him, taking in his calming scent to comfort myself. They watch a security feed and go to check it out, I remember the man's voice from the airport.

They bring him inside and he seems shocked to see me, "Y-you were a-at the airport, wh-what happened to you?" They go into the office and I slowly walk into the atrium in the center of the main building, I wasn't allowed outside the facility because Steve was worried I would run and kill myself. After all, I have tried, so this was the only nature I could have. I sat by the koi pond and started singing, it was the only thing that brought me peace.

I am a poor wayfaring stranger

I'm travellin' through this world of woe

Yet there's no sickness, toil, nor danger

In that bright land to which I go

I'm going there to see my Father

I'm going there, no more to roam

I'm only going over Jordan

I'm only going over home

I know dark clouds will gather 'round me

I know my way is rough and steep

But golden fields lie just before me

Where God's redeemed shall ever sleep

I'm going home to see my mother

And all my loved ones who've gone on

I'm only going over Jordan

I'm only going over home

I am a poor wayfarin' stranger

I'm travellin' through this world of woe

Yet there's no sickness, toil, nor danger

In that bright land to which I go

I'm going there to see my Father

I'm going there, no more to roam

I'm only going over Jordan

I'm only going over home

My voice cracks at the last line, I pull my knees to my chest and sob, I hear voices and feel a hand on my shoulder.

"Steve, no I will not eat, stop ask-" I look up and faced with not Steve, but Clint, his hair had changed and he had tattoos, but what shocked me the most was that his scent carried death, and only mass murderers had that. But I wasn't worried about that, I leaped to him and wrapped my weak arms around him.

He holds me to him, "Ya look like death himself kid." I let out a chuckle and bury myself into his familiar yet different scent. I try to stand but crying so much must have taken what little strength and energy I have. My knees buckle and Clint catches me, holding me bridal style and carries me inside to a couch. I shiver at the change in temperature and Steve lays a nearby blanket over me.

"What happened to her?"

Clint asks looking over to Steve who had been leaning against the couch arm. "Losing him, it destroyed them, they stopped eating and sleeping entirely. We would wake up to them screaming and bawling in the middle of the night. We had to put that collar on them to keep an eye on them; location, vitals, just in case they..."

He trails off, "Twenty-six, that's the number of times I've tried to join him, that was before the collar, and the removal of the locks on my room and the cameras."

Clint falls to his knees in front of me and I hear him crying into my sleeve.

I grab his hair with my hand, lightly stroking it to calm him, "This isn't your fault Clint, I did this to myself."

He looks up at me, and holds my skeletal hand in his, "You need to eat kid, for me, for Ella, and Bucky."

I flinch at his name, I hadn't heard it in years, the pulse monitor in the collar speeds up, causing everyone to look at me. "What? Am I not allowed to panic when my dead mate's name is said? I think I'm within my rights as a broken wolf." I spit out as I stagger to my feet and somehow get to my room.