~t/w: mentions of sirens, police, EMTs, ambulance, blood, etc.~
i open my eyes however much later, probably because the freezing water mixes with a frigid breeze, turning my body to ice.
the little light provided by the sinking sun is far gone, as is the sun itself.
the tears have frozen to my face and neck, the rips in my arms have frozen shut, hot blood barely trickling out onto the rocks.
i look into the dark, cobalt sky and see the moon, a bright white beacon in the sky.
i get up and walk further into the creek, focused on a drop in the distance. the water froze my feet and numbed my toes.
i reached the drop and slid down. the ground of the creek was covered in slippery algae, so i slid down the drop.
i walked towards an area under the bridge, but saw police cars and sirens, lights blaring, people yelling.
i turned around and tried to hide, but saw two flashlight beams reflecting off the creek, searching for me.
i sped up and tried to run, but my arms were still bleeding. i was weak, i was cold.
i heard the holders of the flashlights shout at me to stop and come to them.
i cried more and yelled that i did not want to be stopped.
the flashlights spoke into radios saying that they found me, they had me in sight.
they ran and were stronger than me, faster than me.
they caught up with me and stopped me, putting my hands behind my back and handcuffing me. they told me i was a danger to myself.
i cried and told them i did not want to be stopped.
they walked me down the creek to where the ambulance and EMTs were waiting. it was a long and stumbling walk. i had no hands.
the officer lifted me up and out of the creek. i started to sway and my vision blurred. they had to carry me to the ambulance. i could not walk.
they stopped my blood and cleaned my wounds. they wrapped them and talked about stitches.
i cried and said i didn't want to be stopped.
but they didn't listen.
nobody listened.
i wanted to end the pain.
nobody listened.
~this and the previous 2 poems were about something that happened in january of 2020. i am doing much better now, i am okay and i am doing significantly better. i am over 100 days clean from s3lf-h@rm now, and i haven't been happier in years. it does get better, so please stay strong and stay safe. keep fighting. <3~
~jas
YOU ARE READING
sad boi hours
Poetry~Trigger Warning: these poems contain somewhat graphic descriptions of mental health, s3lf-h@rm, e@ting d!sorders, su!cide and other topics that could potentially be upsetting. Poetry is one of my coping skills and a positive release for my emotion...
