Object Show Onshots!!! ~ Mostly ii/bfb

Lightbulb~ The rain.

(Humanies, This was supposed to be a lighthearted playing in the rain one-shot but turned into a kinnie vent...Oops) 

I looked out my grimy window to see a stormy, clouded grey sky covering up the dreadful blue.

 Throwing off the embrace of my warm blanket, I lazily stood, instantly wanting to relish the beautiful day in front of me.

 Slipping on a small sundress and grabbing my rain boots, I headed outside.I was completely mesmerized, as always, with the emotions these days gave me.

 The air was warm, with a slightly cool breeze; A scent overflowed my nostrils, the damp air is a smell that no other could compare. But it gave me relief from stress like no other thing in this world.

 I sat on the edge of the porch and waited for the downpour- it was otherworldly, the rain. A process in which the water of our planet evaporated up into the pure white clouds until they were too heavy to carry their own selves, spilling their remnants onto everyone else...

 Oh.

 My mind got lost in itself, it sounded like me, my problems.

I suck everything in my life, be it other people's problems, or stresses that come up on their own, and carry them until I just can't take it, dropping my built-up emotions onto everyone else, then repeat... Driven by a sense of helping...

 Wait, that's ridiculous. I LOVE helping people, it feels so satisfying to see someone smile after having a bad day... To know I made a difference in someone's life, even if it was just slight...



   But does anything I do make a difference?



 My mind was throwing me off guard, but as almost like I was arguing with someone, I felt like I HAD to get the last word- Of COURSE, it does. You are helping people with things that they need help with! you are the shoulder to lean on! the emotional support!

....

Snapping back to reality, even just for a moment, I realize that it had been drizzling for a while now. the tapping on the small portion of the roof above distracting me with its pattern, 1, 2, 1, 3...

 I shook my head and stood up from the spot I sat, starting to mindlessly walk down the street, my head somewhere completely far away from my body. Reaching through a tunnel, towards the light.

--

 But is that good enough?

--


 I stop, ending my stupid empty breakdown at a stop sign, head tilted upwards to prevent tears from falling; This time, I couldn't fight back. I had no words to use.

 It wasn't good enough, was it? The feelings of accomplishment are only temporary and fade after minutes. And after that, some talentless failure? Did I even have a purpose? And if helping people is supposed to be my coming, why am I so opposed to it being the only thing I'm worth? Am I worth ANYTHING?!

   ...

................

 I realize I stopped breathing... That's not good.Inhale, exhale. Focus only on your expanding and decreasing lungs.

 Be grateful you even get to breathe this air. Some people would be beyond joyous to even be able to breathe manually.

 It rains harder, the yellow on my dress being soaked with water, turning into dark mustard. The sloppy wet fabric stops flowing freely and instead sticks to my skin, giving me goosebumps. My eyes started to focus back on the real world again, looking up at the soft, gorgeous sky. The smell of wet asphalt flooding my nostrils...

The sound of pattering taking over my ears...I am so grateful to be here, worthy of it or not...

 Even if my mind won't be able to understand the truth, my stubbornness might actually be a gift; Rather not know than to know.

 I can't rely on anyone else for happiness... I can't feel satisfied, I can't feel my own happiness. I'll have to accept that eventually but- 

 I want to stop worrying, to live in the now.And with the number of rain puddles on the street, I will start to learn.