Mistakes [ dreamnotfound AU ]

Chapter 3: Panic

Georges POV

Coming home sweaty as hell even though it's 50 degrees outside. I take off my jacket and hang it up on my coat rack. While trying to catch my breath I find myself walking back into the kitchen. My mind feels unattached to my body when I find myself grabbing the cheez-its I've shoved in the back on my cabinet. The same cabinet with the paper. The paper that's now mocking me as I shove handfuls of food into my mouth. My mind is screaming at me, yelling it's loudest it's ever been.

" I'm hungry. I'm starving. I'm so tired of this. What if I do get better? God this is so fucking tiring." My mind seemed to be scattered everywhere, battles breaking out in my head. God I should stop. I need to stop. Oh god. What have I done.

I stop and feel the world around me freeze. I then rush back into reality and stand up in an instant. I rush over to the garbage and throw out what's left of the cardboard box. I feel sick. I feel terrible. My head hurts.

I run over to my bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror than to the toilet. Switching between the two, eyes shifting up and down. I've never done this before. I've never messed up. I've never failed myself. Tears start to well up in my eyes, almost blocking my vision.

I leaned over the toilet.

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Dream's POV

It's been an hour after I texted him, but it shows he's gone online on discord. A rush of happiness flows through me. I always feel stupid whenever that happens. I don't feel the same rush when sapnap talks to me. It feels almost foreign whenever it happens. I brush it off, and start typing in hopes of him responding.

"Hey, do you want to get in a call with me?"

I sat there for a couple of minutes, wondering if I should just take it back and delete the message. But my heart skipped a beat once I saw him typing.

"Sure, give a second though."

"Can't wait to hear you ;)"

"Shut up idiot"

I chuckle lightly. I wish I could see him when he gets my messages. On streams I'll flirt with him just to see how his face gets red and how he quickly changes the subject.

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Georges POV

Well fuck. Clay just asked me to get in a call with him. You can obviously hear my sniffles and my sore throat from vomiting. God this would all just be so much more easier if I could stop being such a fucking freak. Maybe if I could tell someone I would have SOMEONE on my side. But I know if I say anything they'll treat me just like I treat myself. I can't risk losing Clay. I need him too much for me to go and mess it up because of my problems.

I run to the bathroom and try to splash water on my face. Gargling water to try and fix my throat. After a couple minutes of fixing myself up I go back to my computer and tell him we can call.

"Hey George!"

"Hi Dream."

God his voice is so dreamy, kinda like his name.

"So, how have you been? We haven't had these conversations in a while. I miss them"

I missed them too, but with what seemed like my whole life surrounding starving myself I never had time. Or was too afraid that I'd accidentally say something I didn't want to.

"Oh, I've been good. And sorry for not being able to call you recently. My life has just been kind of hectic recently."

Hectic. What if he asks?

Before I can think of a response he says,

"George is your throat dry? It sounds a bit raspy."

Well fuck.

I sniffle then say, "Oh yeah. But it's nothing. I think it sounds like that because I, um, had a nap recently."

He cringed at the silence that went on for what felt like hours. He fucked up.

"Really? Alright. Well I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to that cute voice of yours"

He immediately blushed and tried to scramble a response to that. I can't think of anything so I just laugh a little and wait for him to say something else. If only he could see me. Red as a tomato and my thoughts racing along with my heart.

"Well, I hope that's the case because I was actually thinking of visiting you soon."

"Wait really? When?"

"Actually in 2 days. I wanted to surprise you but I thought that I should probably give you a heads up to prepare to fall in love with me as soon as you see me.

"Shut up you idiot. But how will you get here? I can drive over and pick you up. Only if you wanted me to though, I don't know if you were planning on getting an uber but-"

I get cut off by Clay saying,

"Yeah, actually I'd really like that."

Really like that.

"Cool, so um see you in 2 days I guess?"

"Hell yeah. I can't wait to see you."

"Me too. Why'd you do it so spontaneously though? I know we've talked about meeting up but we never made any plans. Not saying I don't want you to come I just am curious."

God I can barely say anything. My mind feels so cluttered with the fact that my dream was coming true. Or my nightmare was coming true. Whatever it was I was scared.

"I don't know. Just felt like coming over and seeing your pretty face. Plus it'll be thanksgiving soon."

Jesus christ he really needs to stop leading me on like that. I try and skip over the fact he's going to be here on thanksgiving.

"Damn Dream, didn't know you only used me for my looks."

I heard a faint chuckle from his end which made my heart flutter.

"Damn, you never respond. Feeling bold today?"

"Jesus christ Dream. Just felt like I should stand my ground."

A couple seconds of comfortable silence until I speak up and say,

"I'm actually very excited to see you. I probably don't sound like it but I can't wait to see you."

"Me too. I know you'll be very excited to see me."

I know for a fact he said that with a smirk. He's got me wrapped around his finger.

"Ok Dream keep it pg. I'm not even streaming there's no show to put on."

"What if I don't care if you're streaming? Don't need a show to say the truth."

What. What does that even mean? God he knows what he's doing.

"Alright Dream. Whatever you say."

All of the sudden I feel the acid reflux coming from my throat making it burn. I let out a small groan.

"Hey are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just really tired. I think i'm going to head to bed."

"Oh, alright."

He sounded sad.

"Well, i'll talk to you as soon as possible alright? Goodnight."

"Yeah, me too. Goodnight."

As he left the call he let out a sigh of relief. As much as he loved to hear his voice it always scared him of where his thoughts would go to. What he would say if he said something that really excited him.

He fell down onto his bed and felt the night swallow him. He really was tired. Soon enough he woke up.

But not in his bed.