Death's Reason

Chapter 23

(Nico- )

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The cracks in his mind were growing and he was having a hard time keeping it together. Tartarus called his name. His memories grew and became more vivid. The second he died would never leave his consciousness.

He tried to focus on the little things, what you'd call the good things in life. Lemonade. Grass beneath bare feet. The sun. But the sun reminded him too much of Will Solace, and his bare feet never forgot the feeling of walking through puddles of blood. He still smelled it when any liquid touched his skin.

But there was some relief in spending time with those around him. Percy and Annabeth. Them knowing he was broken, knowing he was strange, knowing he wasn't like anyone else but caring about him anyway. How their souls were all connected.

It was one of the main reasons why he wanted to know about Jacquotte so badly. Who had they all originally been? How had he met them the first time? Who had he been cursed by?

Why? What had he done to deserve an eternity of heartbreak?

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Jacquotte, what did you do to the gods?

Only what I needed to. A boy like you wouldn't understand.

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He blamed Jacquotte as he blamed himself, Jacquotte for cursing him and himself for letting Leo Valdez live. Both acts had ruined everything, had consequences he never would have chosen given he knew what they would be. But Jacquotte, did she regret what she had done? What had deserved all of this?

The butterfly effect. Whatever it had been, it had caused Gaea to rise. And he didn't know if he could forgive Jacquotte for that.

(maybe he was just pushing the blame on someone else, feeling that relief for however long it would last)

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Nico found himself at Camp Jupiter quicker than he would have liked, knowing it was his last stop before he would once again descend into Tartarus. Some sick and twisted part of his mind associated the future fall with going back home.

But home to him wasn't like home was to anyone else. Home was where he was most familiar with, where he had spent the most time, where he knew how to survive the best. But monsters went to Tartarus to reform, you could call it theirhome. Whatthey knew the best. Where they knew how to survive.

(maybe he was a monster)

"Nico,"

The body of Tartarus, his ribs and heart and organs, places Nico became familiar with, places he knew by heart.

"Hey, Nico."

The Phlegethon, the only light source, the only source of hope.

"Nico, it's Hazel. Just breathe. Focus on where you are. Smell Camp Jupiter."

Smell. The Phlegethon didn't smell like fire or boiling blood, but brownies and coffee.

"Good. Just focus. Picture my face, Nico."

It felt like waking up. Suddenly Tartarus was gone, the sun was above him, Hazel was standing before him. Her golden eyes, that sweet smile, everything he wanted to protect. She was holding two coffees, but he knew that wasn't why she hadn't touched him. She knew not to get too close when he was like that.