Thicker Than Ink

One

"D-Daddy... Silas... I-I need you to hold me, please." The works squeak their way out of my mouth as we sit in Dr.Paxton's office waiting for him to come back to us with the results... And just like I know I can trust him to, my sweet Daddy doesn't hesitate to pull me out of my own hard chair and into his lap, his arms surrounding me in the gentlest way so he can place his palms over my belly, both of us hoping that the stress that was going on the week of our first heat together didn't prevent the two of us from making the little bundle of joy that we both have been praying to the Gods and Goddesses for...

When today rolled around we had already had our appointment set up... The high hormone levels in my system from my heat having been given ample time to cycle themselves out enough to not cause a false positive on what feels like might be the most important test I ever take in my life... I know that we both want to know if we're expecting... But I wasn't able to muster the courage it would have taken to find out on our own... Especially knowing that we had this appointment for the blood test anyway...

It had been hard to admit out loud this morning that I was too nervous to try one of the tests we have at home... Not that they aren't any good... Just that...Just that the first two times we pulled one from under the sink in the bathroom ended up being negative and if I get a negative right now... I don't think I'd be able to actually go into the bathroom again for any reason without bursting into tears the second it starts to remind me of the fact that I wouldn't be pregnant in that scenario... But Daddy hadn't judged me whatsoever... I think maybe because he's nervous too he understands it a little bit...

He just keeps letting me know that the two of us are in this together... Which is why when I got too shy... He asked Dr.Paxton if we could do a pee test before the blood draw so that way we would at least get the first test out of the way... And then... If it's positive we can celebrate with a stop for ice cream on the way home... And if it's negative? Still stopping for ice cream on the way home... Just with a lot more chocolate and the biggest cup of fully caffeinated coffee Daddy can find or make for me so I can at least have something I like to soften the emotional blow of getting another negative when all I want is to be pregnant with Silas's baby so we can start expanding our little family... And I really don't think that that is too much to ask for... Not when my mate is ready and willing to start a family and actively wants to start one with me.

...

Silas

...

Even in my lap my sweet Sugar Cube can't keep still, his leg bouncing in all of his nervousness and anxiety, the only thing keeping him from rocking back and forth while chewing on his nails is the fact that my arms are around him, my hands having taken his so that we might hold his sweet belly together while hoping that a baby is brewing in there just under the surface...

Realistically I know that today's appointment isn't taking any longer than it normally would... But I can understand why Addy feels so tense... As much as I want to see him all soft, round, and full of the life we created together... I know that to him... It's so much more than just starting a family...

It had taken a lot for my Bean to admit that he did indeed want kids... He had tried so hard to convince himself before we found each other that he would be perfectly fine without kids... And that he didn't really want them... But that day... standing in the middle of Walmart... He had let all of that stuff fall away... His walls collapsed and it had left him looking up at me in wonder giving me the firmest of no's when I asked him whether or not we should get a pack of condoms... He had finally let his heart decide what he wanted and for him... It was a big step in getting to know himself better, and an even bigger step in trusting me... Trusting that I'll always take care of him... And all of the little munchkins that come along...

If I thought that there would be anything I could say out loud to make my sweet Bean actually relax I would... But I know that when it comes to something like this, not even my loudest growls would truly relieve some of the stress building up in his system as the minutes tick by, both of us waiting for Dr.Paxton to come back with a yes or no... So... I settle on a few well placed semi-quiet ones... They might be heard in the hall a little bit, but they aren't loud enough to disturb anyone in the lobby of the clinic or if they have the room next to ours...

With the growls I try and rock us as best as I can in the hard plastic chair that we're currently perched on, my hands giving his a squeeze every now and then when he gives me a whimper to let me know that he's still nervous... And that he will be until we know whether or not we're about to be parents in four or so months or if we'll have to keep waiting for the miracle that will be in the form of a teeny tiny plus sign...

As it turns out...

We don't have to wait for much longer, a sharp knock on the door the only warning we're given before the Doctor lets himself in, a small smile on his face as he looks down at the paperwork in his hands... And at that moment... I know...

He still needs to say it...

But I know.