Thicker Than Ink

Nineteen

"Good for her. Why are you trying to make it my problem?" The way Silas seethes at his father through the crack in the door I almost have to take a step away from him, if only to save myself from colliding with his back if he decides to yank the door open to punch him or worse... The anger in his eyes scaring me in a way that unsettles me more than I'd like to admit... 

I know that my mate isn't a people person... But he isn't an angry person... Even if the vein starting to throb on the side of his neck might suggest otherwise... The way his white-knuckled grip on the doorknob never changes... His pressure staying constant in his effort to close it, boot or no boot... His growls growing louder and louder... This round not meant to comfort me, but rather frighten Mason off the property... Though it only does the opposite, my Father-In-Law letting his own growls entire the air to compete with Silas's as he tries to strongarm the door to get it off his foot before Silas starts to break bones with his determination, "What the fuck does that mean, you little shit? Your Ma won't let me come home and I didn't come home for her to lock me out. I need you to call her, and tell her to forgive me so I can come home."

...

Silas

...

"Who do you think told her to lock your ass out, Old Man? Good on Ma for kicking your sorry ass out. Now go find a hotel or something. You are not my problem." The fact that he even showed up here in the first place expecting me to help him after the way he's behaved my whole damn life... It blows my mind that he thinks he's entitled to my help... Or that he thinks that he's entitled to just walk into the home that he's abandoned year after year for months at a time expecting Ma to always be right there with a meal ready when he decided he was over forcing her to be a single parent for months on end with two kids only a few years apart... It astounds me that he's got the balls to think he's entitled to even be here on pack land after abandoning everyone and forcing me to step into the title way before I was even close to being ready to handle it or even fucking prepared to handle it... 

"I shouldn't have to find a hotel. I have a house. I just need someone to let me inside of it. Now stop being a Prick and fucking call your Mother for me." The snarl that leaves my chest at his response only makes him growl his words louder and louder... And the self-control I have in the moment is lost... The swift opening of the door startling enough to knock Pop off guard... The slamming of it on his foot that follows not my fault... Even if I might relish the long string of profanities that leaves Pop's lips as his foot gets broken in what is hopefully multiple places... 

The tapping of my foot on the toe of his now crushed boot is all it takes to urge his foot the rest of the way out the door the satisfying click of the deadbolt as I slide it into place maybe one of the most satisfying sounds that I've ever heard outside of my Sweet Bean calling me Daddy and hearing him talk about the baby... Addy's face more than a little pale when I finally turn around, his fists balled up and tucked under his chin while he keeps his eyes trained on the ground... His Princess time having been so disrupted that he's not just dropping... He's confused... And still feeling small... The two of which aren't normally so strange when introduced to each other... Except this time... The confusion comes with the sour scent of his fear... 

The loudness between me and Pop would've been a bit overwhelming for him even when in his normal mindset, but somehow I hadn't stopped to even consider the fact that in Princess mode he's so much more sensitive than normal... And that he needs things to be calm and easy in order to feel safe while up in his clouds or in his gentler mindset... The way he backpedals from me when I open up my arms to him telling me just how much that outburst cost me... 

...

Adrian

... 

"Princess..." It almost doesn't matter that there isn't any anger in his voice... I end up flinching anyhow, and it's almost like I can't calm down... All of my panic trapped on the inside... The door had been too loud... The growls weren't nice... They weren't aimed at me but they weren't nice... The voices had been too angry... 

I knew there was bad blood between them and in no way is Mason my favorite person but knowing that doesn't help me stop shaking like a leaf and backpedaling every time Silas takes a step towards me... The strange dance we're doing while I try and keep a  handle on my internal meltdown... The wetness on my cheeks surely from the tears swimming in my eyes even if I didn't feel them start to fall... 

That scene... It feels too familiar... The yelling... It might not have been the same words... Or even the same argument... But the level of anger matches... And just like that, I'm not wrapped up in the comfy cloud... Instead, I'm scared... I'm scared... I feel small and I'm scared... And it feels like any second Silas is going to turn around and run out the door after Mason to continue the fight and that I'll never see him again... 

It's too much for me, and I'm not sure how to handle it... I feel too stuck... But not stuck enough to let Silas actually pull me into his arms when it feels like such a terrifying place to be, my feet turning me once my back hits the wall, my body flinging itself into our bedroom while my hands shut the door behind me just before he can follow me inside... The separation needed for me to calm my nerves even though not being able to see my mate also rubs me raw in a different way altogether... My internal meltdown turning external as the first scared sob finally breaks free and leaves me... Silas still on the other side of the door as I turn and lean against it after locking it, his apologies nonstop... Not ignored but not entirely heard as I try and make sense of what just happened and how I feel about what just happened...