I'm sat at the window sill, I have been all day, questioning and answering the same old questions:
Do I believe in love? Coming from a broken family you would expect me to say no. Growing up around my parents screaming and crying at each other, both asking one another to love each other again is difficult. My parents finally broke each other's hearts and I was the middle man having to collect all of the pieces. My dad gave me some advice when I was just 13, I must have been rambling on about Draco or Cedric when he said "look dear, why get your hopes up just to get let down?" and me being the snidey daughter I am, I want to prove him wrong, more than anything in this world. So to answer the question, yes I do believe in love.
However, people say we only get one true love in our lifetime, I don't believe that one bit. I think that all love is true until proven not to be, in my opinion there is no such thing as true and false love, love is love, if you do something to ruin it, was it love in the first place? My point is, I'm selfish and I want all the love I can get. If you were to limit love to a number however, I'd say 3 if you're lucky, your first love, your last love and yourself.
I have my 2 other loves already, it's just up to fate to decide who I end up with. My most recent of course is Draco but we know how that one is going. My first love is Cedric Diggory. I like to consider him to be my first love, whether we dated or not. He was my childhood best friend until I met Draco, but no matter how distant we are, the feelings I have for him are too strong and magnetic for them to simply disperse into thin air, me and him will never be strangers.
I say he is my first love because, to put it simply, I was (or am) meant to be with him. I don't have many hopes for this world but he is my only exception. He was my first prince charming, apart from the fact that he had brown hair and not blonde like the movies. I agree, it sucks that this cruel world never gave us our chance at a reasonable age. Teenage years change everything, rumours go around and you just grow apart, nothing ever got between us but nothing ever kept us together either. I fell in love with him too young.
I turn to face the now purple-blue painted sky when I hear rustling come from the bookshelves.
"I know you're here D." There was no point in hiding out and crying anymore. A sigh of relief and the quiver of his name escaped from my lips. He came and sat down opposite me pointing at the stars and making shapes of the constellations with his fingers. He was naturally good at everything and it wasn't fair, there isn't one person who's not envious of him in some sort of way.
"Remember I used to point out the constellations on your face?" He smoothly rolled his head to look in my direction. I hid my freckles with the palms of both my hands but I peered at him through the gaps of my fingers giggling at him- you don't have to talk to have a conversation, not with someone you know this well.
"Hey! They're nothing to be ashamed of Lew."
"Ugh you're killing me Diggory!"
"There's that smile." He only made me smile more. "If I could I would magic away all of your insecurities." And then my heart fell into my gut. Wow. I jer my head to look towards mine and Draco's spot.
"There are just too many for you to magic away."
"Hey hey! Don't you dare speak like that about yourself. You're beautiful."
"I'm not looking for sympathy Ced."
"I never said you were. Do you know who you are?"
"I'm Darla, I thought after 12 years of friendship you'd at least know my name by now."
"Seriously D! You're THE Darla Lewis. Every guy is after you, they always have been."
"You're just saying that! Not one guy is after me."
"I can name at least three." Well here we go.
"I would like to be informed on this information."
"Well there's obviously Draco, Oliver Wood."
"That's two Ced."
"Me." He said under his breath, "You know, sometimes I think about what would've happened if I had told you earlier. Like where would we be and would Draco Malfoy still be talking to you?" He paused for a moment, out of breath as if he finally let go of his darkest secret. "Do you think about us?" Our feet were now dangling off of the edge of the window sill, swaying back and forth simultaneously.
"That's a stupid question," I look up to hold back my tears becaus I didn't want him to know how much it hurt me when we grew apart. "Of course I think about us. I think about us all the time. I just wish time had considered us. How was I meant to know what love was at 13. Heck, i don't even know what love is now."
He looked directly into my eyes for the first time in 12 years of knowing each other. The magnetism in us is immense yet there is still no way we are ready for each other. We just keep on looking at each other like something should've happened. But no, no kiss, no spark, nothing. I don't know how to describe this once in a lifetime but it felt natural, good but not right.
"You know you have feelings for me D. You looked at me a bit too long not to know that yourself."
"I don't know what I know anymore Ced. I have so much going on."
"Did snape set you too much homework or someth-"
"No Ced, I mean up here." And I pointed to my head. I dropped myself down to the floor and started to walk out of the room that I had been in all day. I didn't quite know why I was walking away or why Cedric wasn't even attempting to chase after me- I think deep down we knew that once again time was our enemy and there was no point in chasing after each other. I was fine with it, but I so desperately wanted to turn around- I didn't. If you really love someone you learn to respect each other and wait. At least that's what I thought.
"It's him isn't it?" By the time I had reached the door frame, Cedric had made his way over to the table I was staring at. "D and D? That's you and him right?" I nodded my head slowly, not the answer he was looking for.
"But why?" He slumps himself in the chair. I walk back over and sit in the chair which Draco normally would. "Why him D? I'm right here, good grades, good manners, good guy all over."
"I don't know."
"Tell me!" He said with such aggression in his voice that made me jump out of my own skin.
"Why not try listing all the things wrong with the boy! I help him! I changed him, he told me himself today. Right here in the same position. He wants me, he asserts that." I shout back at him.
"What and you don't think me sitting here begging you to love me back is enough. Screw yo-"
"No screw you Cedric! You cannot sit there and act like I've known for ages. You cannot sit there and act all innocent when you decided to distance yourself from me. You were my only friend Ced, I was 11 years old, new school, I had no one but you. And you left."
"Don't you dare start using that agains-"
"I'm not using anything against you Cedric! I'm stating my feelings that I have bottled up to protect you for years."
"I hate you!" He covered his mouth in shock from his own words.
"Fine." I grab my bag from underneath the chair and throw it on my shoulder. I think I've tried to leave this door but the heaviness of the air was keeping me in. The air was even thicker than before but I could finally wade threw it with ease.
"I didn't mean it D, seriously come back I want to-" his speech trailed off and I couldn't eve tune back into what he was saying. I didn't want to either. All I wanted to do was to walk through the lonely, crowded corridors back to the Slytherin common room. I just wanted to sit in there with someone, anyone and just express my entire feelings. That wasn't going to happen was it.
I finally make it to the royal green room, it was empty minus Draco and the others. I just wanted to sit alone
