It's that time again.
The wheel has been spun yet again.
I have done what I was supposed to do.
And like every single time,
I feel detached, when he is supposed to be the one who will listen to me.
My conditions were clear;
"We remain strangers even if we are to share everything. I do this for relieving our stress. And we are not to get attached."
But as days moved,
Our sweet talks were like honey,
He, was sweeter.
I warned him once,
"Are you sure you want to do this? I tend to push people away and I doubt you'll stay."
He replied confidently that he'll stay, no matter.
I found it peculiar, when he reassured me.
We do not know each other, let alone seen.
So, why? Why did he agree to stay with me?
I've hurt him a lot of times.
I screamed at him to stop calling me by my name, because we're strangers.
Everytime he asks me how I've been,
and I'd keep on complaining to him, on how cold the days were,
or how annoying everyone was to me.
But he'd listen,
and comfort me.
Repeating that it will be alright and that tomorrow will be a better day.
By the time I realized my selfishness,
He was already used to it.
The guilt that engulfed me from then on, was so heavy.
And by the time I talked to him,
And apologized,
though he seemed fine, we were already apart.
And so,
Now is the time,
To push him away.
Because any more than this,
Will break him deeper, with me in it too.
But why?
Why am I so reluctant when I'm already used to this?
What has become of me?
2020/11
