Blur of Blue

The Sky

The sky, I could feel you there.

You know, today was a actually a nice day, they didn't disturb me at all. It was just you and me on the rooftop, I don't really know why. I like to think it's because you protect me. Maybe you can do magic, sitting there, somewhere that may or may not exist, helping me. Dad wasn't that bad this morning, but I still like mum better, she's nicer. Dad only knows how to worry, these days, but mum just let's it be. I know dad is probably a better parent, doesn't mean he's fun though. Sometimes I wish I was with you, with your red long hair and pretty smiles and dark brown, crinkly eyes. Sometimes I hope that you didn't sit up in the sky, I hope for a lot of things, but most of all, I hoped you weren't here that day. Ready to jump.

I remember your eyes, you know, with their bubbly life in them spitting out on the edges, making all the crinkles by your eyes or I remember your laugh lines by your mouth, you used to spend hours in front of the mirror, trying to take them out with cream and powder. But I loved them, I didn't really know why you hated them so much. Why you hated all those curves on you, or that sarcasm or even those eyes. How could you, how dare you hate something so beautiful. I was horrified, disgusted or even repulsed by their prettiness. Their prettiness was so petty, so shallow, so unpassionate. How dare you love them, how dare you try to be like them? Why did you want to change those pretty eyes, those lovely curves, those big smiles and bold humour? Why did you want their affections? Their approval? What joy, what satisfaction did it give you? You gave up yourself for their nods, you gave up your self-worth for them. Was my love not enough, was your own love for yourself not enough?

I hope you can feel me too.

I have to go now, I hope you are happy in that little heaven.