Shadowed

VI. Better Left Unknown

"Did you follow me?" The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them.

I'm praying the answer is no, that she found me just by chance, but if you're a cynic like I am, you know there's no such thing as chance.

"Not all the way. But I saw you a few blocks back," she says, her eyes piercing.

"Dammit," I mumble under my breath. Thirty-two years. Decades of being on the streets and hiding from everyone. I know how not to be followed. I know how to slip away completely undetected. But I've let my guard down today a hundred times already. Abby already knows my real name, and I didn't even see her trailing me until just now. This is what happens when you let your emotions take over. You get distracted, and then you start making idiotic mistakes. You can't be an idiot right now.

"Is Maya alright?" I venture, partly out of curiosity, but mostly because I want to avoid whatever Abby seems so determined to discuss. I can't be sure, but I've got a hunch what she wants to know. And I can't tell it to her.

"She'll be okay," says Abby, trying to keep her voice steely, but it shakes. She's worried.

"Did you get her to a doctor?" I say, latching onto the topic. If it will distract her, all the better.

"She's fine, Rowan. Stop changing the subject." 

Hearing that name still stuns me a little. When she says it, it feels like she's reaching right into my head, where I keep all of my secrets. For someone who's been intentionally severed from my identity for so long, nothing makes me feel more vulnerable and exposed.

Abby's looking at me coldly, her eyes narrowed, as if expecting me to say something.

"I don't even know what the subject is. How could I change it?" I say. It's a lie. I know exactly what she's about to ask me. She's curious, of course. She knows too much about me already, and now she wants to know more. Again, a product of my own stupidity.

"Something's going on," Abby declares. "I can tell." She says it matter-of-factly, completely sure. An alarm begins to flash behind my eyes. Danger. 

"What are you talking about?" I say, and I can feel my heart beating louder and louder.

She rolls her eyes. "Don't give me that bullshit, Rowan. I'm not dumb. There's obviously something you're not telling me."

Abby pauses, staring right at me, but I don't say anything. I don't know what to say.

"You lied about your name," she continues. "Some voice said your real name. Then, some girl stabs Maya and turns out she's looking for you. And you run after these people, after Maya told you not to, knowing they were armed, knowing they were looking for you." 

She crosses her arms. "I hope you know what I'm talking about now. Because there is definitely something weird going on, and you know what it is."

Shit. I don't see how I can lie my way out of this. I don't think Abby can be convinced, no matter what I say. But I can't tell her the truth. I barely know her. There's no way to be sure that her intentions are good.

"I don't know what it is, Abby," I say, my eyes darting from side to side. "Angella and James knew the name that I haven't used in a long time. I wanted to find out why they knew it. That's all." 

It's not fully false- at least, that's what I tell myself. I know that's not all. Not even close to it.

Abby leans up against the sleek blue car I'd been scrutinizing earlier. She digs the heel of her shoe into the asphalt, staring down at the ground.