You Will Never Understand

Prologue

What is life? Does anyone actually know? Are we real or a simulation? Is everything that has ever happened to me a dream? These are questions that pop into my head every so often. I've never really asked anyone because let's be honest, nobody has the answers. Humans go around acting like they know shit about the world we live in, but we don't. We go around telling each other that we have everything figured out, that it will all be fine, but guess what it wasn't for me.

So many people get things handed to them on a silver platter and don't have to work a day in their life, and many say I'm jealous of this, which I am not. It is just infuriating that people are sitting at their dinner table with their family talking about what they are going to blow their money on next while one-third of America is rotting away. No, I'm not an unemployed woman who wants money just handed to them, I just wish everyone felt the same pain I did.

Well, not exactly the same pain. I've been through a lot and there are some things I hope no other human has to experience. I've been to hell and back so many times I have lost count. No matter how hard I tried I could never find my happy ending.

There was one point in my life where I thought I did, but that came to an abrupt ending. It may have somehow topped everything else I have ever gone through, and the worst thing is, is that he would still be here if it wasn't for me.

This is my story of how I met the one person that made me feel hope and love in all of my life. Who showed me there was more to myself than I ever knew possible. Who helped me believe in trust again.

This is the story of my life with him before he left me forever. Before my happiness once again came crashing down, only this time he wasn't there to pick me back up again. Even if I never truly got my happy ending I still was left with at least more friends who could pick me back up, but it wasn't the same.

Even though I lost him, I was never able to return to my self-doubting and hopeless self because that would mean he left for nothing. I had to make sure he didn't leave for nothing. 

Thanks to this man, my life has changed. Changed in ways I didn't know possible. Changed for the better. I just wish he was here to see it.