You Will Never Understand

Chapter Four

A little while after Nick managed to make me feel slightly better, we went back inside. I decided I wasn't going to let Aaron ruin my night any longer. I walked over to the group of boys I had been waiting on, trying to ignore the piercing brown eyes I felt on my back. I wanted to beat the shit out of him so bad, but I couldn't.

 As much as I hate to admit it, he still has a grasp on my mind. I may not have feelings for the man, but I always have him in my head. He has me scared and paranoid and sometimes it gets so bad the I have anxiety attacks. 

He knows this. He knows how he controls me, and he is one of the maiin reasons I'm moving. The boys, Max, and I have decided to rent out an apartment in New York City. We are going to try out for this major dance school called Julliard. Regardless if we make it, we are still living in New York. 

I stood over the group and passed out more shots. It was fun being around them, they were extremely hilarious people and I needed a laugh tonight. Suddenly I jerked around when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. These boys' humor ended up being the only thing that kept me from completely breaking.

"So, the boys and I are going to a house party after out shift is over, do you want to come?" Max asked me. It's been a while since I've been partying. I enjoy parties, I love the music and the dancing so much that I can get over the smell of sweat and vomit. I'm more of a clubber than a partier, but I'm always down for either. 

"Sure," I replied. "I will have to go home and change, but I'm down." Max nodded her head and walked away. I checked the clock on the wall and saw that our shift was over in half an hour. I think partying is a good distraction and that's what I need. I later found out that distracting yourself just leaves you more hurt. 

After my shift I went home and threw on some holey black jeans and a white short sleeved hoodie. I hopped into Vincent's car and we drove off. 

*****

Alcohol. It can do some strange things to you, but when you add weed and some other drugs you've never used before it can really fuck you up. 

I'm not a stoner or a pothead, but I was really looking for a distraction, and let's just say I got one. I was currently laying on the floor staring at the ceiling. I was laughing at the texture because apparently it looks like popcorn. Yeah I'm fucking stoned. 

I glanced over at my red cup and saw that it was empty. That is my new mission, to get more liquor. I'm like James Bond, but for alcohol. I walked over to the kitchen, not realizing till I got up that I had been laying in the middle of the dance floor, and poured some moonshine in my cup. Well I hope it's moonshine. 

I turned around taking a big swig of my drink when I ran into someone. I looked up and my eyes locked with the familiar brown eyes. Shit. Shit, shit shit shit shit. That's all I could think. Fuck. Well I found another word. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I slurred. I was trying to sound intimidating, but my words sounded like they were coming from a two year old girl. He didn't say anything, he just stared at me. Why was he staring at me. 

"I saw you and thought I should say hello." I thought this was over. After he raped me he started stalking me, but it quit. I thought he was done. "How have you been sweetheart?"

"Don't you fucking sweetheart me. You lost that privilege after that night." I started to walk away when he grabbed my arm.

"You still can't own up to it. You were the one that came onto me. You wanted me to fuck you, so I did."

"Yeah because me clawing and screaming no was me totally giving you consent. I fucking tried to run out of my own goddamn house." I was screaming. I didn't care if I was causing a scene, I just wanted to leave.

"So it was a little kinky. That's what good sex it. Your mouth may have said no, but other areas wanted it." I didn't answer. He really just said that to me. I pulled my arm out of his grip and began to run. I'm not sure where, but it was away from him. I saw a familiar group of boys and ran over to them. 

I was sweating and probably hyperventilating. The boys were drinking, but they weren't completely drunk. They looked up at me, giving me weird faces. I turned around and Aaron was there. "Awww babe why did you run?" 

"GO AWAY!" I screamed. And I mean screeched. He looked slightly surprised at my reaction. "LEAVE. I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS." I shoved him and then I did the last thing I should have done. I punched him square in the nose. I saw the anger arise in his face. 

Before I could get away, I saw his hand clench together and then I felt his knuckles pierce my face. "You fucking whore. A bitch like you should not have done that. Just because you are a slut and you regret fucking me doesn't mean you can punch me. You are going to regret doing that. I hope a cunt like you rots in hell." I felt every ounce of dignity leave my body. Nobody has ever talked to me like that. I tried so hard to stop them, but the tears came out. I ran out of the house and into the night. 

He was a horrible person, but I never expected that. Not ever. I don't think years of waiting for that moment would have prepared me for the awful words that escaped his lips. I was still running when suddenly I felt a dizzy spell come over me. I saw the world blur, and then blackness consumed my vision. I felt the cold concrete hit my head before I lost all consciousness. 

I felt someone lift me off the ground and put me in their car. I glanced over and saw Nick. He was there again to save me. Instead of my mental problems, he was dealing with these ones now. Something told me this wouldn't be the last time he tried to help me. I was right. He saved me from myself so many times, and the last time he tried I ended up losing him forever. 

Sorry for such a late update. I have been crammed with school finals and all this other shit that I haven't had time to update. 

Who is your favorite character so far?

Ps. Have a lovely day. I hope you find some sort of happiness that is needed when you feel down. If you ever need to talk feel free to message me. I will reply. Sometimes it's helpful to have someone who is always there for you right at your fingertips. 

-Hannah