A MOMENT ON THE LIPS

ROOMMATES SUCK DUCK

        It had been a week since my apartment had burned down and Major was still whistling Dixie. I considered peeing on him during the night so he could be in a bad mood just like me. I missed my poop colored building and my bed and my clothes. This was no fun, a week of staring at things that don't belong to me. I know I sound childish but hey if your whole life was falling apart before your eyes you'd be crying too.
       I squeezed my eyes shut just as I heard him re-enter the room.
  "Good morning beautiful look what I got you." I shot out of the bed and snatched the box of Donuts out of his hand stuffing one in my mouth greedily before getting back in bed.
     "Can I have one or do I have to worry about losing a limb again?" He smiled and sat at the foot of our now shared bed. I hugged the pink box closer to my chest near to tears at his crude suggestion of giving one up.
       "You know you're going to want a donut why don't you buy a box for yourself?" I asked curiously.
      "Because I did that last time and you yelled at me for thinking you had herpes because I didn't want to share with you but then ate that box too." He replied.
       "GASP, I do not have herpes you take that back you duck sucking homosapien."  Major shook his head and drew closer. I hugged my box tighter in case he was up to funny business. He kissed my forehead and handed me an envelope before heading to the bathroom to start our bath.
        I set the box down and opened it carefully to reveal a check from my insurance company. Wow they work quick. Major came back in the room and held his hand out to me. I stood and let him pull off the T-shirt I had been using for this whole time and shivered at the way he growled when he saw me naked.
        He pulled me close and kissed me deeply before carrying me into the bathroom. We lounged in his giant tub, as was our routine since my surprise move in, I lay my back against his chest as we thought of baby names and planned the nursery.
        "I got my money from the company today. So can you make some time for us to go shopping?" I asked as he skimmed a finger over my stomach.
       "Can we do it this weekend when we go look at furniture? Or do you want to take the car and pick up one of the girls?" I turned and faced him wondering what he meant by take the car. He smiled and pressed a kiss to my shoulder.
      "Look I know you've been in a mood lately and it's because things changed and plus you've been stuck inside with me all week, so I did something about it." I let the water out and grabbed a towel from the nearby rack.
        "So what did you do? And Why are we going furniture shopping we have some months to go before the baby gets here." We dried off and I slipped into a pair of sweats and a grey tank top.
       "We're going furniture shopping because this house isn't just mine, it's ours so you get a say so in what it looks like.  As far as what I did this is what I did." He opened the garage door to reveal a cute purple mini Cooper. My jaw hit the ground and I turned to him dumbstruck.
      "You're too tall to fit in the car Why did you waste money on this?" I scratched my head looked at the cute car that was making my hands itch.

       "It's not for me shortcake. It's so you don't have to wait on me to take you everywhere." He smiled and handed me the keys to the car.
     " So it's mine? But I almost peed on you." I couldn't do anything but stand there. I felt my head being pushed onto his chest and felt it rumble with laughter.
     "Don't cry love I wanted to get you something good I just didn't know what." I sniffled and clung to him tighter. I was being a huge baby and he didn't care. Holy crab cakes Batman he bought me a car.
       "Does this mean you forgive me for being a lousy roommate?" He asked softly in my ear. I nodded and smiled. I grabbed the keys and slid into the seat as he held the door open for me.
       "OH BOY MY FIRST CAR!!" I shouted as I started the car.

        "Oh Thank JEEBUS solid ground!" I rolled my eyes as Major kneeled on the pavement and hugged it.
        "I was barely going the speed limit." I snapped and shut the door.
        "Yea the speed limit for NASCAR Dream, that poor old lady barely made it out of the way."
         "IT'S NOT MY FAULT THE GERIATRIC BAG OF BONES DECIDED TO TAKE A STROLL THE DAY I GET A CAR!" I stomped towards the clothing store I parked in front of. He was getting on my last nerve complaining about my driving if it was such bad driving why was he still alive?.
    I felt his hand engulf mine and pull me towards him. He nuzzled the flesh behind my ear and pinched my butt.
        "Don't be mad cutie, I like that you're a speed demon." I rolled my eyes and made my way to the back of the store ignoring his remark about the maternity section. It was about half an hour later when Major wandered off to go look at some unknown location that I noticed a woman staring at me.
     She was tall and blonde and had the body of coke bottle. Her eyes were green and were staring daggers right at me. The scowl on her face made me quirk an eyebrow and look around for anyone else.
     "Is there a reason why you're looking at me like you want to swallow all of your teeth?" I asked loudly. She smirked and walked closer to the clothes rack I was perusing.
         "You think your petty little threats worry me? He'll only be playing with you for so long before he misses the real thing." And with that she walked off. What the hell, she must of had me confused with someone else. I tried to shrug it off but something just didn't feel right.
      "Hey did you get enough stuff? What's wrong?" Major looked me up and down making me smile. After assuring him I was fine we made our way to the register to pay for my purchases. We piled the bags into the car before walking across the street to a pub.
     While we waited for our food I told Major about the strange lady and what she said and he agreed she had me mistaken for someone else.

       "Have a good night on base sweety when will you be home?" I asked as he kissed my forehead and then my stomach.
       "Before you wake up I'm not going to miss the appointment for the world. Get some sleep and call me if you need me." I nodded as he pecked me on the lips before getting in his truck and backing out of the driveway.  I shut the door and locked it before making my way back into the disaster that was our home. Major had a bad habit of making the hugest messes. It was like a hurricane and tornado hit the house at the same time and it was my job to clean it up.
     Having a roommate sucks duck. I made my way to our bathroom and turned on the shower letting it get hot and steamy. I scrubbed with my new lavender and vanilla shower gel, dressed in my new PJ's and slipped on my fuzzy Betty Boop house slippers and got to work.