The assistant | Remus Lupin (on pause)

Talk and fight

I needed that talk with Sirius last week. I truly needed someone to snap me out of that odd and toxic habit I picked up.

Remus didn't deserve a fake relationship. He needed a real one. With every single hurtful part to it.

He simply needed to know all my thoughts.

I sat in Remus's room, Sirius let me in. He said he would be out for the day so we could talk. I made sure to thank him immensely for all that he's done.

Good and sometimes a bit bad.

The doorknob turned and a tall figure walked in with a smile on his face.

His hair was a bit longer, messier, and his smile was goofier.

"You're breaking into my room now?" He raised his eyebrow curiously and set down his luggage.

"Yeah, but it isn't exactly for a good reason." I got up from the bed and Remus pulled me into a hug as I was speaking.

He pulled away and looked at me with a tilted head and furrowed eyebrows, "Are you pregnant? We haven't even had s—"

I interrupted him immediately, "No, Remus, I swear I'm not pregnant." I put my hands to his chest and pushed myself back a bit.

I noticed another line of scars around his face, one crossed the right side of his lips and one ran up the side of his left eye.

"I'm mad at you." I inhaled and looked away.

"Still. I haven't stopped actually and I don't know why since it was just a simple comment and," I couldn't stop myself from nervously babbling on and on, "it makes no sense since my mad feelings have decreased, and I really love you and I shouldn't ..." I trailed off then hit my forehead with the palm of my hand.

That wasn't what I meant to say, not that it was bad. But ... shit.

I went to confront Remus about my anger then I told him I loved him. And it was true. But it was the wrong time for me to be confessing all my feelings.

Remus stared at me blankly for a few silent minutes. I couldn't tell if he was angry or confused or thinking intensely.

"So you love me ... and you're mad at me." Remus scratched the side of his neck as he spoke quietly. He scratched at a scab that looked like a fresh cut.

"It seems that way." I sighed and held my head in my hands.

This wasn't going how I envisioned it. In fact, I didn't even really think about how it would go. I wasn't sure what I was expecting. But now that angry feeling went away. I still didn't like what he said, but I wasn't raging with anger.

"Are you still mad now?" Remus asked as he blinked harsh a few times and flipped around his hair.

"Well no but—" I started but he cut me off with a grin appearing on his face.

"You aren't mad at me and you love me then, that's what you're saying?" He said slyly and I lightly hit his arm.

"I mean I still don't like what you said and it still makes my blood boil—" I started once more but during the pause in my speech he spoke again.

"I don't either. All throughout the break I was going crazy with guilt. Maeve I— well I love you too that's obvious. But please know I'm sorry, I'm in your debt, whatever means sorry to you." He slowly extended his arm to take my hand in his.

"I forgive you," I smiled. And I actually did.

I needed that conversation with Sirius and I needed to release my emotions to let them go. Now I was still a bit embarrassed but I wasn't that angry.